My Beef With Twilight

Anyone who knows me, also knew that this one was coming eventually. I am glad I decided to wait. With the release of the newest installment of the Twilight series hitting theaters at midnight tonight, I decided it might be time for me to share exactly why I dislike Twilight so much.

Now, for those of you who don't know what the Twlight series is, well, never too late to learn I suppose. Twilight is a series of books written by Stephanie Meyer, about a girl who falls in love with a vampire. It has also recently been made into a movie series. Doesn't sound so bad right?

Now, I'm sure I'll receive the same response that I always do from Twilight fans and supporters: "You're just jealous!"

And, quite frankly, I'll be one of the first to admit, I am. Though that isn't the primary reason I hate Twilight. That will come later. So lets start the list shall we?

Reason #6: I am indeed, jealous.
- Ok, lets be honest about this one. Just about every guy who knows what the Twilight series is, and more importantly, how many girls like it, is jealous of the male characters in Twilight. They are created to be some of the most attractive guys a mind can imagine. Particularly Edward and Jacob. And while this one barely makes the list, I have to include it because it is true. Though you won't catch me admitting it a second time. The fact of the matter here is, these characters are IMAGINARY. And in that sense, a person can make them as appealing or unappealing as they deem necessary. That said, I could write a book about the most attractive girl I can imagine, adapt it to the big screen, get the most attractive actress to play her, and guys will be going crazy for my story in no time. In essence, Twilight has done just this to girls. So, while I am slightly jealous, it is all unrealistic anyway. That is a fact that far too many people need to realize. I have said it here time and time again... if you are willing to obsess over looks and give in to selfish bodily desires, then you cannot grasp the concept of true love. There are so many girls out there who obsess over the looks of Edward and Jacob, and in fact go to the movies just to see these guys take their shirts off. In the end, while it would indeed be nice to have looks like that, I am also able to realize what most others don't. A life like that is hollow, and devoid of true love. Because true love cannot be based on looks.

Reason #5: Twilight ruined vampires.
- Yes, this is indeed one of the most cliched arguments against the Twilight series. However, for those of you about to close the page because you aren't interested in hearing this all over again, notice that it is only NUMBER FIVE on my list. The best (and most original) reasons are yet to come. Anyways, I couldn't argue this point at all. Vampires were once the stars of horror films. Scary beyond all reason and possessing otherworldly powers, vampires were once actually quite terrifying. They also had certain weaknesses that made them possible to defeat, yet plenty of strengths that made defeating them difficult. And yes, here it comes... Last I checked, they couldn't go out in the sunlight. Nor did they sparkle when they did so. Nope. They melted. Yes, it is a highly cliched argument, but that doesn't make it any less valid. I mean, seriously... what happened to the real vampires? Last I checked, it was every person's worst nightmare to have a vampire show up on their windowsill. Not their greatest dream. Other than un-scarifying them, Twilight had a lot of other negative effects. Like I mentioned earlier, what happened to the sunlight thing? And what about garlic and stakes? As far as I've seen, the Twilight series fails to include any of this. Not only that, but it goes to absolutely ridiculous means to sidestep them, especially in the sunlight case. And, since when did all vampires become attractive teenagers? From what I can tell, the Twilight series has started a chain reaction that has transformed vampires for the worse. Call me old fashioned but... I liked it better when vampires were scary.

Reason #4: Its not about the Writer... its about the Fans.
- If I were like many other anti-twilight supporters, this is about where I would start ranting about Stephanie Meyer's horrible writing style. But I'll refrain. I recognize that no authors are exactly the same, and as such, each has their own writing style. Writing this blog now, I recognize that my own writing style is unique. And not everyone will like it. With that said, I'm not going to criticize the series over the writing style used to create it. I'm also not going to bash the fact that it is obviously one big fantasy dreamed up by Stephanie Meyer, in which, the main character, Bella, is actually symbolizing Stephanie herself. It is ok to enjoy a book or movie and become a fan of it. It is entirely different when one develops an obsession with it. The fact of the matter is, it is all IMAGINARY. So, take my word for it and don't let it rule your life.

Reason #3: Bella is always depressed.
- I can understand character originality. What I can't understand, is when a book/movie goes to such lengths to promote such a bleak outlook on life. The entire series begins with Bella moving to Forks, Washington. She is completely depressed by the idea, which was her own idea to begin with! Does that make any sense at all? Not only that, but when she does fall in love, the story makes no attempt to get brighter. In fact, she finds a way to look down on just about everything that happens. Even after he life should have turned around. As far as I'm concerned, people like this do actually exist. Not only that, but they still haven't figured out that life could be much worse. They could have cancer, or live every day barely knowing if they'll find another meal. They could have to live through the winter with only a box and a couple of newspapers for warmth. As far as I'm concerned, Bella is in none of these situations, and neither are most of the people who act like her. Compared to those, I don't think moving to Forks is such a bad thing. So if you think your life is bad, just remember... there is always someone out there who has it worse. And it would help if she actually smiled a bit. Just saying.

Reason #2: Bella rejects everyone and appreciates no one.
- Now we're starting to get really serious. And this is indeed the second biggest reason I dislike and disagree with the Twilight series. I think the title here says it all. But as usual, I'm going to go a bit more into depth. The first thing I'm talking about here, is the fact that Bella rejects some of the other guys vying to win her heart. Now, when anyone has multiple people who are interested in them, it can be a difficult situation. However, the fact that she rejects the ones that are actually willing to make an effort for the one that could really care less... now that makes my case right there. And I should be quick to point out that, I'm sure she did have reasons for pushing them away. But, from what I can tell, she should have had plenty of reasons to push Edward away too. So why didn't she? I mean, its not like he cared or anything. I have a couple of examples to go along with this, although it has been a long time since I read the first book, so bear with me. I recall that one of her friends took an interest in her, even going so far as to offer to carry her books for her and similar polite gestures. Yet, she simply wrote him off as annoying and silently hated him for trying too hard. This is actually similar to some real-life circumstances that I have covered in my blog before. For girls, it can often be about the thrill of the chase. This has been confirmed by dating experts (as little as that says), who say that a girl will often pursue a guy who cares less for her than others simply because it is more exciting to try and get a guy like that and keep him. I have already stated my opinion about that being just plain stupidity, and a course of action only taken by those who still have some growing up to do. But you see what I'm getting at there. Another example (just to make sure I'm not being unbiased): I also recall a school dance from the book, one that was supposed to be a "girls' choice" dance. A guy asked Bella whether or not she was going to ask him to said dance. Now, this, I can understand her disgust with. The unfortunate truth is, many guys are indeed arrogant like that, so her decision there, I can hardly argue with. Unfortunately, not all of the guys Bella meets are like that, and neither are all guys in real life. So I'm not letting her off the hook that easily. Aside from relationship issues, Bella also seems to hate everyone around her, with the exception of Edward. Whether that is her friends, her father, or just some random person she goes to school with, she always finds a way to hate other people. As you can guess, I don't exactly believe in this type of outlook. In my opinion, one should not hate other people unless given a really good reason to do so. Yet Bella can't seem to think positive when it comes to anything else either, so I suppose I should be surprised that she extends her terrible outlook on the world to people as well.

Reason #1: The love story is false.
- Everyone I have ever talked to that is a fan of the Twilight series always gives me the same argument: "The love story is amazing." I have to admit, when I was thinking about reading the book, I knew there was something out of place. When I finally did read it, my suspicions were confirmed. The love story is actually complete bogus. Not because it doesn't happen in real life, because, vampires aside, it does. The problem I have with it is that relationships formed the same way the relationship between Edward and Bella was, rarely ever represent true love. And what is this problem? If you haven't guessed it by now, perhaps you should read some of my older blog posts because... THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS BASED ON APPEARANCES. That's right. The relationship between Bella and Edward is based on nothing more than physical attributes and surface personality. For that reason, this makes number one on the list. And for those of you who want to argue, refer back to the first book, and all of those scenes where all Bella can do is stare at him and think about how gorgeous he looks. While everyone does this at some point in their lives, only the dumb and immature actually pursue a relationship based on it. And those that do usually end up in the gutter eventually. Granted, there are a LOT of people in the real word that do this. But as I said before, true love is not based on looks. And what about Edward? Well, he is doing it too, seeing as he only showed any interest in Bella to begin with simply because... she smells good. Hmmm... I don't know about you, but that seems like a really ridiculous way to judge a person. And for those of you who are still arguing that they did get to know each other before starting a relationship, give me a break. She barely knew him. At all. And in my opinion, that is a recipe for disaster in any relationship. A couple of other things should also be noted about their relationship. First, any guy who looks the way Bella describes Edward and Jacob would have a bunch of other girls crawling over each other to get a chance to date them. Therefore, Bella would probably draw the ire of a lot of other girls who wouldn't be too happy about the "outcast" getting him first. Instead, in the books and movies, they seem to care less. At least from what I've read. Second, any person with half a mind would know that someone who looks and acts like Edward does is probably nothing but trouble. Once again, while this same situation occurs very often in the real world, how could anybody paint a picture of true love when they know Edward reflects every aspect of a "bad boy," the likes of which I have pointed out in previous blog posts. The fact of the matter is, guys like that in real life rarely care about anyone. So for one of them to single out a girl and suddenly fall in love with her is completely preposterous. Possible, yes. Likely, no. And as such, I don't recommend falling in love with someone who doesn't have a good heart, and therefore reward them for not wanting to change for the better. True, everyone makes mistakes. However, to reward someone for continuing to make the same mistakes is the quickest way to lose sight of what is important.

In the end, I could go on and on about what I dislike about the Twilight series. I could probably go even further had I read past the first book. However, I found myself highly fed up with it, and therefore, I decided not to continue reading the series. Nor am I interested in seeing any of the movies.

The fact here is, it isn't so much what the story contains that bothers me. It is what the readers take away from the story. A book and movie series as popular as Twilight obviously influences a large number of people. And as such, the points I listed above, as well as many others, are perceived as truth by readers, whether they know it or not. Twilight continues to set the wrong standards on relationships in the minds of teens and young adults everywhere. So, in essence, I'm not slamming the story so much as those who are willing to believe that the picture of relationships that Twilight paints is completely accurate, and therefore, is something that they should model their own relationships after. And for those Twilight fans who disagree with me, be honest. I'm sure you have, at some point, considered your dream relationship to be just like that in Twilight. And as I have said, such a relationship can exist, but not the way it is portrayed in the books and movies. No, in order to find true love, one must be able to push aside the things that don't matter, such as looks, and get underneath all that to what really matters. The heart.

The Most Epic Wish Ever

I know it has been a few days since 11-11-11, and I would have posted earlier if I hadn't been so busy with school and work.

Anyways, I, like many others, chose to make a wish at both 11:11 times on that day. And I couldn't help but ask myself why.

First of all, what is a wish? I can be many things to many different people. To me, a wish is a deep desire that my heart has. One that I feel strongly enough that I'm willing to wish on a star, or a sunset, or in this case, a unique and symbolic date and time.

Of course, I often feel a bit childish for continuing to believe in wishes. But then, I began to think more about it. Obviously, making a wish such as I did on 11-11-11, I would have probably drawn the ridicule of certain people. Many would have others believe that wishes are childish and foolish. And that they have no effect on what happens in real life.

Either way, I'm not going to go around telling people that they do have an effect. I'm not really sure whether to believe they do or not. But I can't help but hold on to the childlike belief that they do indeed come true.

And even then, why wouldn't one want to keep that sort of childlike belief? While many people dismiss characteristics of children as largely un-adultlike, I can't help but disagree. Now, I'm not going to go around saying that acting like a child is not a bad thing. However, maintaining some childlike innocence is something that anyone and everyone should strive for. I mean, belief in such a small thing as wishes can give life a much deeper purpose.

I was encouraged even more by my friend's participation in my "wish ceremony," which really involved nothing more than writing a wish on a sheet of paper and burning it, in the hope that the smoke would carry the wishes skyward.

I had hoped to have come up with a bit more elaborate ceremony, but I suppose a lone wish alongside my best friend isn't such a bad thing either.
Even more encouraging was the aftermath. When I left my friend's house later in the evening, I had a chance to see a rare sight. The moon was ringed by a halo. You heard me right. When the conditions are just right, a ring of light will appear around the moon. I'm not going to ruin the moment by getting too scientific about it, but it was there. And it made me think... perhaps things might just be starting to turn in the right direction for me. Perhaps my ultimate wish will finally come true.

And what is that wish, you ask? Well, as always, I can't tell.

Love vs. COD

I thought I would write a special post to celebrate the release of the new Call of Duty game. Although, celebrate probably isn't an appropriate word.

No, I'm not going to bash the game. As far as I'm concerned, Call of Duty is a great game. I don't own it, though I have played it several times with friends. I guess the real question here is... What is this doing on a blog about the heart?

Well, has anyone ever been on Facebook? If you have (a bit of sarcasm there for ya), you've probably seen some of those groups that say, in some form or another, that guys should spend less time playing COD, and more time with their girlfriends.

I used to see them all the time. There has been a distinct lack of them lately, but I'm sure that they will make a strong comeback with the new game.

Either way, I've been thinking for a while about the implications of such groups. The way I see it, these groups are only half right.

First, lets give them credit. This is a legitimate topic. Lets be honest, there are a lot of guys out there who have, at some point, placed video games of some sort as a higher priority than the person they supposedly love. And, lets again be honest. This is a very despicable practice. I mean seriously? Putting a bunch of pretend achievements over something as real as love? Gimme a break.

I know how some games are. I've played my fair share of games, and many of them can get to the point where they are quite addicting. So, if anyone thought that I was trying to paint myself as perfect when it comes to this issue, there you go. I am happy to say, however, that I would never, and could never, put a video game before someone that I truly care about.

With that said, I mentioned another side to this argument.

This rarely seen side is at least partly to blame for the consequences of this supposed "epidemic" of ignorance.

The real question I have is... (posed to all girls with this type of complaint), if a guy is willing to place video games above you in priorities, then why are you falling for him in the first place? I mean seriously... at least fall for a guy who has his priorities straight.

Ok, I'm done ranting. But seriously... the real "epidemic" here is the obvious problem of people (not just girls) falling for those who aren't willing to make them a top priority. Now, I'm not going to say that it is easy to control who you fall for. I know from experience that this is usually out of anyone's control. However, I am saying that the heart can be persuaded to fall for someone or not. Perhaps I'll go more into depth on that at a later date. However, it is important to consider the other person's personality traits when deciding whether or not to allow yourself to fall for someone.

In the end, there are few inexcusable things in a relationship. And putting video games (or anything else imaginary) before a significant other is one of those.

In general, a significant other should be one of the top priorities of anyone in a relationship. The only exceptions to this rule are family, and if you're religious, God. Anything less, and one needs to seriously consider if the other person would actually be willing to put their all into a relationship. If not, then the relationship is most likely a waste of time. At some point, situations will always emerge that will test priorities in relationships. And while a boyfriend ignoring his girlfriend to play Call of Duty might not seem like a big deal, it really does reveal some major insight into a person's character, and helps to determine where his values lie.

Once again, I'll go to the other end of the spectrum.

That doesn't mean, however, that if a significant other ignores you once for some reason that their priorities are all messed up.

I'll give one of the most-heard examples among guys... the girlfriend who just HAS to have a serious conversation... in the middle of the ball game.

There are obviously two sides to this one, and the guys do have a good point here. The game is only on every so often, and why girls want to pick game time as the time to have important conversations is beyond us. The guys are obviously prioritizing the game at that moment, which is indeed wrong to do. However, the girls who pick game time as discussion time are also in the wrong. To me, it seems like mind games. I mean, why not choose the time when the guy is going to have priority issues? Or during the game that is only one once per week? True, it is wrong for anyone to prioritize something like television or video games over someone as important as a boyfriend or girlfriend. However, it is also wrong for the other person to attempt to draw out such weaknesses. In legal terms, this is referred to as entrapment. (See? A bit of legal trivia for you!)

Obviously, repeated poor prioritizing can signal a bad relationship. In the case of Call of Duty, this is often a repeated thing. The difference between the two types of bad prioritizing that makes video games much worse than the ball game is that... the video games will always be there to play. The ball game is only on once or twice a week. Granted, I'm not going to sit here and say one sin is worse than another but... when someone wants to take time out of their schedule to watch something on television once or twice a week, that is understandble. Someone who is consistently ignoring a significant other in order to get more kills on COD, is not.

In the end however, both sides remain at fault. So, for all the girls out there creating Facebook groups for the sole purpose of getting mad at thier boyfriends for choosing Call of Duty over them, just remember... you chose them in the first place. And there are plenty of guys out there that would be more then willing to devote everything to you. As I have said before, and will continue to say, you just have to look in the right places.

Faithfully... Or Not.

I'm sure many have heard the song "Faithfully," sung by the band Journey, and used at many events like weddings and dances to emphasise devotion between couples. However, recent events will make it difficult to listen to that song with a straight face ever again.
This is because one of the band members who performs it obviously doesn't believe it himself.
Yes, I'm referring to the recent scandal involving Journey guitarist Neal Schon and Michaele Salahi, both of whom were recently discovered to be engaged in an adulterous relationship.
I used to love that song, and many of Journey's other hits, but like I said... I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to "Faithfully" with a straight face ever again.
I've been wanting to address the issue of infidelity on the blog for quite some time, but never really got around to making a really good concept for a post on the subject. Last night, that all changed.

I was preparing to log off of my computer and go to bed, when I decided to read the headlines one more time. I returned to Yahoo! (my homepage), and the first headline I saw was entitled "Why I Cheated on My Husband." Obviously curious, I clicked on the link, and it sent me spiraling again into the incredibly sick world of cheaters and infidelity.

I say this because the article was practically an attempt to justify such infidelity.
Before I go any further, I should probably delve a bit deeper into the aspects of cheating, and my own personal views on it.

The first major question that arises is... what exactly is cheating?
It seems one of the major issues when it comes to infidelity is the fact that many people don't have a clear-cut definition for it. Sure, sex with another person while in a relationship is obviously cheating. But what about kissing? What about flirting? What about same-sex encounters? Excuse me if I'm getting a little graphic here, but all of these are issues that I've seen people have, and there doesn't seem to be any clear definition for cheating that clears or condones these actions.
So here's my take:
Cheating is any action performed by a person in a relationship, to another person, that would normally only be reserved for the significant other in said relationship.

Several months ago, I was studying up on cheating by reading post by real people who had been cheated on. It isn't fun, but the stories can be quite interesting, especially of the cheater expects to be taken back. Anyways, I read a story on a "men only" forum somewhere about a worried guy. Apparently, his girlfriend had participated in a rather aggressive makeout session with another girl. This poor guy was looking for help and had no idea whether he should consider it cheating and break up with her, or to let it go and act like it never happened.

Just about every one of the responses was sickening.

They gave him advice like, "Dude, what are you worried about? I can only WISH my girlfriend would do something like that! Next time make sure she brings her friend over and have them do it at your place!"

Now, being a guy, I can see the sexual appeal of such actions. But unlike many other guys, I can also see the bad side to it.

The fact of the matter is, by the definition I gave, this IS cheating. No matter how much of a sexual spin you put on it, the act of kissing is usually only reserved for a significant other, and therefore, the act of kissing another person (outside of short, friendly kisses for family) is cheating.

I feel bad for the guy, because he probably ended up following the advice he got, and will ultimately end up miserable because of it. But, he probably should have realized that he wasn't going to get the best advice when he decided to ask a bunch of sex-starved college jocks for relationship advice.

Another very common question I see on relationship advice boards: "My significant other cheated on me. However, he/she was drunk at the time and claims to have had no idea what he/she was doing. Should I accept this as an excuse and take him/her back?"

Lucky for the faint of heart, I wasn't a member of those particular discussion boards.

My answer to them would be something like this:
Frankly, cheating while drunk is no different than cheating while sober. The "drunk" excuse is nothing more than that. An excuse. When it comes right down to it, cheating while drunk is still cheating. This person still committed an act of infidelity. Of course, they might not have had as much control over their actions, however, this is still not an excuse. I say this for two reasons:
1. Alcohol only loosens a person up. It doesn't control their actions. This means that it only makes a person more eager to do something they were already thinking about doing anyway. Essentially, alcohol DOESN'T plant ideas. It only makes you MORE EAGER to participate in activities you were already thinking about doing anyways.
2. If you're in a relationship with someone who is willing to drink until the point that they will readily commit infidelity, then you're in a bad relationship to begin with and should break it off as soon as possible.

As you can see, alcohol is clearly no excuse. Those who drink are well aware of the side-effects, and should be self-conscious enough to know not to enter a situation like that where they might be tempted to cheat. If they are willing to take the risk that they might cheat just to get drunk, then they probably don't value the relationship as highly as they seem to.
That brings me to the next point.
THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR CHEATING!



The most predictable part is; when caught, the cheater either completely ignores the situation and leaves. Or he or she makes a huge number of excuses in order to justify his or her actions.

The real question I have is... what makes anyone think that cheating is ok under any circumstances?

The article that I mentioned reading earlier seemed like something off of Cheaters. It attempted to put a "silver lining" on infidelity. That was the real part that disgusted me. If it offered stories about how people cheated and deeply regretted it, I would have been perfectly ok with that. But instead, it emphasized A SILVER LINING in every story that was offered. Now, I'm a very positive person for the most part. But I also have a sense of justice (unlike whomever wrote that article). I also know that acts of infidelity cause serious pain for everyone involved; the only exception sometimes being the cheater and the person they cheated with.

But as I said before, there are absolutely no excuses for cheating. I'll list a few of the most common excuses for cheating, and debunk them as I go along.

1. "I don't really love you anymore."
- This is probably one of the most common excuses used by people who cheat. They fall out of love with the person they're in a relationship with and instead of doing the right thing and trying to get the relationship back on track, or at least breaking it off before chasing someone else, they turn to infidelity. I have one question for these people. If you aren't in love anymore, WHY ARE YOU STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP!? At the very least, you should try to salvage your relationship. And if that doesn't work, then break it off. Especially if you are even considering cheating. Don't keep another person tied to you like that while you run around behind their back.

2. "Our relationship was too boring."
- The real thing about this one is... If your relationship is becoming too boring, you should be ready to step up and help it along. That means, suggesting new and exciting things to do, places to visit, and others. The worst thing you can do is bottle this one up and hide it from the other person. Any relationship can be revived by doing new things, and visiting new places together. And if the other person doesn't want to do any of these things, then why are you still in a relationship with them!? Cheating can be exciting in its own way, but it is fun at someone else's expense. Spare them some hurt and split the pain with them by breaking it off before you're inclined to cheat just for fun.

3. "You aren't good enough in bed." or "He/She is so much better in bed."
- If sex is your biggest priority in a relationship, I have only one thing to say to you: GROW UP! There are so many aspects to a relationship that should be prioritized over sex. I have been advocating this kind of thing since I knew what a relationship was, and that isn't about to change. If you only value sex in a relationship, then you shouldn't even be considering anything serious. Make sure your values are clear to the other person before even getting into a relationship. And if you are the type of person that is willing to cheat because someone else is better at sex, then you need to have your heart broken a few times by someone who shares those values. I guarantee that those who value sex highest in a relationship are doomed to failure until they realize what is truly important. Ok, I'm done rambling. On to the next excuse!

4. "You are never there for me when I need you."
- This one can mean many different things. Perhaps the person that is being addressed here has a tough job and is never physically around. Or perhaps he/she is around physically, but never wants to be there for their significant other. Whatever the case, this is still no excuse. If you need the other person to be there for you more than they are, make sure to talk it through with them. If you can't come to an agreement, break it off before even considering infidelity. Plain and simple.

5. "I thought you would change."
- This is another one that really eats at me personally, and is especially prominent amongst females. The fact of the matter is, one should never go into a relationship assuming they can change someone, or that someone will change over time. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but assuming that it will is an easy way to get your heart broken. A majority of people don't change, and in fact, will resent any attempt to change them. So, in summary, don't assume you can change someone. If they require changing to live up to your expectations, don't even consider a relationship with them in the first place.

6. "I don't know why I did it, it was just so sudden, I have issues, it's not you, its me, etc...."
- These are what I refer to as the "Its my fault excuses." And granted, these are better than the previous excuses for the simple reason that the cheater is admitting blame instead of dumping it on someone else. But they are still just that. Excuses. Any person who uses these excuses still doesn't deserve to be in a relationship. Neither does anyone who cheats. No matter what the reason, cheating is cheating. And no matter what happens, someone gets hurt.

7. "We were just friends."
- Ah yes, the "just friends" excuse. This one is used more and more, especially when the cheater suspects there is no evidence against them. They say that the person they cheated with is just a friend. The fact of the matter is, by the definition I gave earlier, if you commit an act towards another person that you normally reserve only for your significant other, then you are cheating. Therefore, it does not matter what the person you cheated with is to you. If you cheated, you cheated. And as I have been saying this whole time... THERE ARE NO EXCUSES.


Besides the few that I listed and debunked, there are countless more excuses people use to justify cheating. However, they all follow the same pattern: none of them actually justify infidelity at all.

After going back through my list, several things jumped out at me that really stand out in making cheating impossible to justify.
First, if you are unhappy in a relationship, talk it over.
Second, if step one doesn't solve anything, it might be time to break it off.

If you are miserable in a relationship, don't hide it, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! If you instead turn to infidelity and dishonesty to make the relationship better, you are hurting everyone around you, not to mention yourself. It is also a good idea to try and avoid situations where you might be tempted to cheat. Common sense right?

I can't forget about those who cheat and hide it. Quite frankly, I can't respect those people either. First of all, you can't bottle something like that up forever. The longer you keep it hidden, the more guilt eats at you. And while it might ruin your relationship, the other person deserves to know. Otherwise, your relationship is suddenly based on secrets and lies. It is understandable why some people hide it, often to protect their significant others from heartbreak. But as I said, this will quickly become unbearable for the one holding it in. And it isn't fair to the other person that you keep it secret. If you've done something terrible, you need to come clean and admit it. Then they'll be able to decide what is best for them, instead of you deciding for them.

Any way you paint it, cheating is by far the worst sin you can commit while in a relationship.

But what about taking back a cheater?

I talked a little about it earlier, but wasn't able to go into much detail. What if you're in a relationship, and your significant other cheats... then wants to be taken back?

This is one of the toughest questions to ask.

Many people say, no, one should never take back a cheater. I'm sure we've all heard the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater."

Many others say, yes, if you truly love that person to begin with, you'll be willing to admit they made a mistake and give them a second chance.

As for me, I'm probably one of the "one strike: you're out!" types. I say this because all relationships are based upon trust. When that trust is shattered, like glass, it can be put back together. But it will never be the same, always filled with rifts and cracks. Once that trust is broken, a relationship will never feel the same.

I can make a few arguments for taking cheaters back as well, but they don't hold as much sway as what I just said. Either way, whether or not a heartbroken person should take back a cheater often depends on the person. And besides that, if the cheater wants to be taken back, they should not only be fully sorry for what happened, but should also be practically willing to beg you to take them back. If not, then they probably don't care as much and should be left to their own devices. They should also be willing to cut all contact with the person they cheated with, WITHOUT QUESTION. Unfortunately, this process involves setting ultimatums, which never help any situation. Which is another reason why I usually encourage people to cut their losses and end the relationship right there. Counseling is always an option, but I'm of the opinion that, if one person cheated, THEY should be the ones in counseling. Not both of you. Because, no matter how much the cheater may try to paint it as the fault of both, the fact of the matter is, the only fault belongs to the cheater.

Going back to the article I mentioned at the beginning, I also don't believe in happy endings for cheaters.
The article includes a story about a woman. She was married with two kids, but felt like she didn't fit in her marriage. Then, she met a man from Australia. The two became good friends, but he had to go back to his home country. She eventually decided to go and visit him there in order to "get him out of her system," but instead fell in love. The article then claims that she is now happily married to the Australian man, and feels like she fits in perfectly.

Any first reactions? Mine was nausea. Then anger. Then downright disgust for any cheater who claims to have a happy ending. The fact of the matter is, in order for a cheater to have a happy ending, they often have to leave a path of destruction in their wake. Didn't I mention the article said she had TWO KIDS!? While trying to paint that story in a positive light, the article failed to mention what happened to her husband and two poor kids she deserted so she could be happy. Do I need to mention the selfishness here? She essentially destroyed her family so she could run off with some bimbo from Australia.

And besides that point, can a cheater ever really be happy? They might claim to be in the perfect relationship, but in my opinion, no relationship forged by infidelity can ever be perfect. In the back of the cheater's mind and heart, the guilt will always be there. They might try to justify it to themselves, but that shard of guilt will always be there, wearing away at them. And the person they cheated with? He or she might claim that the person they are with is perfect, but in the back of their minds and hearts, they will always be slightly suspicious. After all... if a person has cheated once, what is stopping them from doing it again?

The same goes for Neal Schon and Michaele Salahi. No matter how much they claim to be perfect for one another, there will always be the shadow of infidelity lingering there. This shadow, forged by the adulterous ways in which their relationship was created, will never truly leave. Nor will the scars that are created within the heart by infidelity.

The article also tries to argue that infidelity often causes people to become more open in a relationship; that it causes them to become more able to get what they want from a relationship, and ultimately makes them more happy. I couldn't disagree more. Sure, it might indeed help people to open up a bit more, and attempt to get more out of a relationship. But at what cost? Nothing is worth the betrayal and deception that go along with committing the ultimate relationship sin.

In the end, there are no silver linings to infidelity. Only hatred, pain, and broken hearts.