Haven't had much time to write new posts lately. I should probably add an update concerning previous posts. I HAVE begun to feel like my old self again, though I still hold the same reservations about love that I mentioned before. And, most importantly, I'm still waiting for someone to break that mold that all girls have impressed on me. That mold that seems to be the same for each and every one of them.
Another interesting tidbit that I thought it might be interesting to share. One of the girls I mentioned as being the crucial elements in my current judgement said something interesting to me just the other day. She told me that she thought all guys were the same. I had to laugh. Mostly because she knows me well enough to realize that I'M certainly not like the rest. Ok, I'm not trying to brag or anything by saying that. Just pointing out something I have realized about myself over the years. I don't look for the things that other guys do (looks, outgoing personalities, etc.) and instead, I try to look inside. That hasn't been working out so well for me lately, but hey... Why should I let it force me to become "normal?" Anyways, I had to point out her mistake. It was impossible to resist. I figure she didn't recognize that particular mistake because I've already been pushed off to the friend zone. Again. I didn't exactly develop a deep connection with her, but I've always sensed the potential was there. That is, if she ever bothers to notice just how much we have in common. Anyways, I haven't gotten my hopes up.
So, by now, you're probably wondering what the title has to do with anything you just read. That's because it has absolutely nothing to do with any of that. I'm just now getting on topic. Terrible, I know.
There is a bit of a story that goes along with this, so bear with me.
I was eating dinner tonight (or yesterday, if you are paranoid about detail) and somehow, my mother and sister got on an interesting topic. They began talking about how they had someone they wanted to "hook me up with." It turned out to be one of my sister's friends, whom she attends gymnastics with. Now, that's all fine and dandy. However, my reaction to the whole situation was less than favorable. It wasn't anything terrible, I just didn't know how to respond to it all. Part of me was happy to know that they considered someone out there a good match for me. However, the rest of myself was a little hesitant. It was something about having my family attempting to choose a date for me that sparked my somewhat negative reaction.
The real question I have been asking myself is... why? What about this whole situation made me go into "ignore everything being said" mode like I did? Like I said, it just seemed more than a little awkward to have my family members trying to set me up with someone. But why is that so bad?
I think the main part of it has to do with pride. I suppose the fact that my family needs to set me up in the first place kinda gave my pride a bit of a hit. And the fact that, if it did actually work out, I would never be able to live it down. Or would I? Anyways, I feel even more ashamed for letting my pride get in the way of a possible mold-breaker for me. But is it a bad thing to have a little pride? All I know is... if this does actually go through (I'm still not sure if I am going to try and stop it) my pride will have to take a hit in order for any breakthroughs to be made.
And I can't forget prejudices. Perhaps I've always told myself that anything having to do with relationships was my own burden to bear. That I wouldn't let anyone else create something for me. But then, I also always figured that there would be more people out there willing to look deeper. Since I was wrong on that second one, perhaps I ought to work on eliminating such prejudices? Or maybe that particular one has something to do with my simple goal to find someone to love on my own. I really don't know whether to say this is a prejudice I should keep, or work on getting rid of.
And so, I continue to debate what I should do about this whole situation. For now, I think I'm gonna sit back and just let things unfold. Though, I have no clue what my reaction will be if my mother and sister actually manage to set me up on a date with this girl.
As I always say... The heart is too great to be understood by anyone. Especially me.
