Contrary to My Own Beliefs

I have a lot of catching up to do. Especially since I decided to let this blog get outdated by several months.

Anyways, over the past few months, something interesting has happened that really caught my attention. A certain group of people whom I would normally ignore has started to notice me. I have no clue as to why, but they seem to enjoy making friends with me.

Who are these people? Though I can't confirm all of my suspicions about them, I know they participate in several activities that I normally look down upon. Those would include smoking, drinking, partying... etc.

Anyone noticing the irony? I typically condemn these types for poor decisions, but out of everyone else, they seem to notice me the most. I suppose I need to be a lot less judgemental of people who have made a few bad choices, because it seems that many of the people whom I normally wish would notice me are too stuck up or too blind to do so.

So what should I do? I could certainly ignore, or attempt to avoid the extra attention. But that would also go against one of my most recent realized beliefs. I should never judge anyone without giving them a chance. This is common knowledge; however, it is amazing how many people are judgemental about others without even getting to know them at all.

In the end, I have to admit... they seem like wonderful people despite everything. And I am going to accept their friendship with open arms. Still, I will hold true to my own morals and ideals, no matter how much I am tempted to do otherwise.

Fighting Back

I have made mention several times to these particular girls that have proven to me that they are all the same. I talk about them in virtually every post I make these days; and this one is no exception.

I finally got my chance to speak my mind to both of them.

The first one has routine contact with me via Internet and text messaging, however, I rarely see her face to face. So, she was talking with me about new ways to win this guy she likes (for absolutely no good reasons I should add) and I finally snapped. I told her that I had disagreed with her pursuit of this guy, over nothing but a photo, from the beginning.
For starters, she was only focused on looks. How could I let that go forever without getting my word in on that? Anyone who has read any of my previous posts knows that I detest it when ANYONE makes judgements about someone based on looks alone. It is one of my biggest pet peeves.
Also, she had already made some serious mistakes (which I won't mention in light of the fact that it would ruin some of her dignity) that had destroyed most of her chances. Why would I let her continue on?
So, I got my word in. I told her that if she ever wanted to be truly happy, she needed to let go. She agreed at first, but as I've found to be typical with her, she began to let her thoughts drift back to him. By the end of our conversation, she was already back to talking about how to get him to like her again. I really should have seen that coming.

The other girl, whom I have much more face-to-face interaction with, had placed herself in a situation that I could barely comprehend. That is, I could barely comprehend the stupidity of it all. She had broken up with her jerk of a boyfriend. To say that the breakup was messy wouldn't even describe the tip of the iceberg. He had even threatened her with a weapon at one point. Not to mention the fact that he is your typical "bad boy." (See earlier entries for reference.) So, what does she do once the two of them are apart? Much to my dismay, she goes out and finds herself a guy who is even WORSE than the previous one. Needless to say, this relationship didn't last long. However, it is what she did next that truly crushed my confidence in girls to make the right choices. She "realized" that she was still in love with her ex... and promptly chased him down and got back together with him.
Obviously, I had several MAJOR problems with this.
1. The guy is a complete ass and deserved to be alone the rest of his life.
2. She is an amazing girl and deserves soooo much better.
3. He threatened her WITH A WEAPON!!!
4. This goes against everything I know to be true about love.
5. Now he knows he can get away with anything he wants and she will always come running back.
6. HE THREATENED HER WITH A WEAPON!!!
7. I truly care about her and hate to see her upset when he treats her like dirt.
8. In that same light, I hate to see her throwing away any chance to see her love returned in kind.
9. Um, did I mention he THREATENED HER WITH A WEAPON!?

So, I have been bottling up my resentment toward this entire situation for several months now. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to her about it, because doing so would require me to tell her just how stupid she was for doing what she did.
Anyways, my chance finally came when a good friend of mine (and of hers) called her out when she was complaining about her loser of a boyfriend. He started in on the subject, and I couldn't resist driving the point home. We talked for a minute or two about it. Every time she would attempt to defend him and her actions, my friend and I simply demolished her argument. Eventually, I could tell she felt backed into a corner, because she simply walked away, hopped into her car, and drove off without another word.
Makes me look a bit like a villain doesn't it? I thought so too, however, I also realized that the point had to be made eventually. And the only way to do it was to tell her straight up. (I had made hints at the stupidity of her decisions before, only to have them fly right over her head.) Anyways, I am still receiving the silent treatment, and I believe my friend is receiving the same. Despite it all, I am glad I finally had a chance to get that off my chest. And even if it destroys our friendship, I'd be willing to give that up just to make sure my point gets to her... So that she doesn't miss out on the most wonderful thing this life has to offer.

And as for the first girl I mentioned, she is still blindly chasing him for no reason I can comprehend. She tries to avoid talking to him, but fails miserably every time. Apparently, the point I made about liking him for all the wrong reasons was lost somewhere along the way.

The sad thing about both of these cases is that there is only one thing that might truly be able to make these girls come to their senses. And that... is getting hurt. The only thing that might knock some sense into them is for them to be hurt. Not physically, but by having their hearts broken. Perhaps that is the only way any girl will learn from her mistakes...

Dark Cloud

Yeah, I know... it isn't my favorite title for a blog post. But you know, it accurately describes my feelings at the moment. Just when I thought I would be getting back to my old self... it ends up coming back to bite me. And once again, I can't get the thought of unfairness out of my mind.

I suppose it began with reading all those weird "likes" on Facebook this morning. Kinda and odd habit of mine, I like to page through some of the common "likes" to see if any match my thoughts/feelings. Anyways, one in particular caught my attention. It was entitled: "Not all guys want sex, because some of us want a relationship. Not all guys like Black Ops, because loving you is more fun. Not all men will hurt you, because some men are decent people. Not all men will abuse you, because some men like to see you smile. However, all those guys are gay." I remember my excitement as I read the first lines of that title. I was thinking: "YES! Somebody finally gets it!" But then I read that last sentence...

Nothing like a mood breaker to start your morning eh?

I suppose the truth is still out of reach. The problem I have here is... *I* would be like that in a relationship. I don't want sex, I'm interested in a relationship. I don't even play Black Ops, so loving someone would definitely be more fun. I wouldn't ever hurt anyone in a relationship, because, believe it or not, I'm a pretty decent person. And I would never abuse anyone, because I would enjoy the smile of the one I loved. BUT I'M NOT GAY! In fact, I'm the least gay person many people will ever meet.

That is why that hurts me so much to see something like that. Because people actually believe it. Only a little over six thousand people. But still... that's a lot of people to believe in a lie as ridiculous as that. Probably more coming. I wish the truth was tangible enough to throw in the faces of all those people who clicked the like button on that post.

Of course, I can't end on that. I'm going to do my best to throw in in their faces whether they know it or not.

So, to the girl who wrote that ridiculous "like:"

You ever wonder WHY those guys are gay? That's right. Because you took until NOW to notice them. They wanted someone to love, but you were too busy chasing all the jerks. Now that you DO notice them, its too late to turn back. So, whatever hopelessness you're feeling right now is your own fault, because you had your chance.

That's pretty good... in fact, I might actually make this into a "like" on Facebook just to see how many likes it gets. Now, remember one thing: I have never been and never will be gay. To me, it is one of the most repulsive things on the planet. But when I look at it from the viewpoint of that previous paragraph, I begin to feel sorry for those who might actually relate to that. Sorry, because I know the feeling.

Unfortunately, that particular post began a chain of thought that happened to ruin a good portion of my day, because I can't get the unfairness of it all out of my head. Here I am, the type of guy that most girls SAY they are looking for... And yet I'm more alone than ever before. But hey, I know the truth now. They're all the same.

Pride or Prejudice?

Haven't had much time to write new posts lately. I should probably add an update concerning previous posts. I HAVE begun to feel like my old self again, though I still hold the same reservations about love that I mentioned before. And, most importantly, I'm still waiting for someone to break that mold that all girls have impressed on me. That mold that seems to be the same for each and every one of them.

Another interesting tidbit that I thought it might be interesting to share. One of the girls I mentioned as being the crucial elements in my current judgement said something interesting to me just the other day. She told me that she thought all guys were the same. I had to laugh. Mostly because she knows me well enough to realize that I'M certainly not like the rest. Ok, I'm not trying to brag or anything by saying that. Just pointing out something I have realized about myself over the years. I don't look for the things that other guys do (looks, outgoing personalities, etc.) and instead, I try to look inside. That hasn't been working out so well for me lately, but hey... Why should I let it force me to become "normal?" Anyways, I had to point out her mistake. It was impossible to resist. I figure she didn't recognize that particular mistake because I've already been pushed off to the friend zone. Again. I didn't exactly develop a deep connection with her, but I've always sensed the potential was there. That is, if she ever bothers to notice just how much we have in common. Anyways, I haven't gotten my hopes up.

So, by now, you're probably wondering what the title has to do with anything you just read. That's because it has absolutely nothing to do with any of that. I'm just now getting on topic. Terrible, I know.

There is a bit of a story that goes along with this, so bear with me.

I was eating dinner tonight (or yesterday, if you are paranoid about detail) and somehow, my mother and sister got on an interesting topic. They began talking about how they had someone they wanted to "hook me up with." It turned out to be one of my sister's friends, whom she attends gymnastics with. Now, that's all fine and dandy. However, my reaction to the whole situation was less than favorable. It wasn't anything terrible, I just didn't know how to respond to it all. Part of me was happy to know that they considered someone out there a good match for me. However, the rest of myself was a little hesitant. It was something about having my family attempting to choose a date for me that sparked my somewhat negative reaction.

The real question I have been asking myself is... why? What about this whole situation made me go into "ignore everything being said" mode like I did? Like I said, it just seemed more than a little awkward to have my family members trying to set me up with someone. But why is that so bad?

I think the main part of it has to do with pride. I suppose the fact that my family needs to set me up in the first place kinda gave my pride a bit of a hit. And the fact that, if it did actually work out, I would never be able to live it down. Or would I? Anyways, I feel even more ashamed for letting my pride get in the way of a possible mold-breaker for me. But is it a bad thing to have a little pride? All I know is... if this does actually go through (I'm still not sure if I am going to try and stop it) my pride will have to take a hit in order for any breakthroughs to be made.

And I can't forget prejudices. Perhaps I've always told myself that anything having to do with relationships was my own burden to bear. That I wouldn't let anyone else create something for me. But then, I also always figured that there would be more people out there willing to look deeper. Since I was wrong on that second one, perhaps I ought to work on eliminating such prejudices? Or maybe that particular one has something to do with my simple goal to find someone to love on my own. I really don't know whether to say this is a prejudice I should keep, or work on getting rid of.

And so, I continue to debate what I should do about this whole situation. For now, I think I'm gonna sit back and just let things unfold. Though, I have no clue what my reaction will be if my mother and sister actually manage to set me up on a date with this girl.

As I always say... The heart is too great to be understood by anyone. Especially me.