Ok, so….. I had other plans for starting off this blog, but I have decided that this is far more interesting. So here is the opening story.
Just last night, I was searching the internet when I caught sight of an odd advertisement. It read something like this: “TIRED OF ALWAYS LOSING TO THE BAD BOYS?” I couldn’t help but click on it to see what came up. Of course, it was a website dedicated to an e-book written by a man who had apparently been losing to said “bad boys” all his life. He claimed that he had spent several years researching the methods behind attracting women. I was half tempted to close out of that page immediately, but he had several sample articles from his book available free of charge. So I decided “What the heck?” and clicked on one of them. From that moment, I was engulfed in a new contradiction that probably beats many of the others I had planned to include in this blog.
Now, I have a tendency to read a lot of online articles concerning love and relationships. And usually, when I start reading them, I have a difficult time stopping. This was no exception. Before I knew it, I had read every sample article on his website, and several others from different websites. I know this sounds pretty pathetic, but bear with me. It didn’t take long for me to uncover a common theme of psychology that all of these articles, concerning methods to attract women, had in common. We all want what we can’t have. It is an interesting statement; one that I’ll admit does make some sense.
Each of the articles went on to explain that one of the most common mistakes men make when trying to attract women, is that they try too hard, usually by heaping the girl with attention and affection. At first, I didn’t get it. How could that be wrong? The articles continued by saying that women are attracted by a challenge. Guys who give everything from the start don’t present much of a challenge. Therefore, there is a fine balance one must find between giving too much and giving too little. This is where I found my question. Is there really a formula that can be used to attract members of the opposite sex? Or is it all in the heart like I previously believed?
The articles said that too much attention and affection could push the guy who was giving it into the girl‘s “friend zone,” a term I’m sure many are familiar with. I’ll elaborate more about my frustrations with the “friend zone” later, though I won’t deny its existence. So what was the answer these articles gave? They all stated that you need to become a challenge for these women. Give them just enough attention to let them know you are interested, but not nearly enough to quench their thirst for attention. Or give them the attention they are looking for, but only for a short period of time, then withdraw most of it, both methods making them work to get your affection.
Once again, I was torn between being offended that anyone would imply that such a formula for creating attraction exists, and being drawn in by it. After all, my own success in the past has been more than a little limited. Furthermore, my heart seemed to be in conflict with my mind. My mind tells me that the psychology involved in these articles makes perfect sense. Besides, why shouldn’t I trust the people who wrote them? They probably have 100 times more experience with this stuff than I do. Meanwhile, my heart tells me that there can’t possibly be an all-powerful formula for attraction.
I can actually back that up with a bit of the minimal experience I DO have. During what I consider to be the great tragedy of my high school years, I unknowingly used several of these techniques on the girl I liked then. I know for sure I created plenty of mystery and challenge, even though I wasn’t doing it consciously. And yet it failed. Miserably. It has become a classic case of heart vs. mind.
Another ironic twist that placed me further from these methods comes when the author of most of the articles I read explained his methods of research. He said he spent an enormous amount of time observing these exact “bad boys” whom had been surrounded by women all their lives despite their less-than-acceptable lifestyles and bad habits. He states that these guys didn’t seem to care about much of anything, and that this uncaring attitude seemed to be what generated a lot of attraction from women.
All I can think about is how disgusting and unfair that really is. But it actually explains a lot. Why else would those types of guys end up with more girls than they can handle? It does bring up another point though. Should we really be so eager to imitate them? I don’t think so, but if that is truly what it takes to get members of the opposite sex to like you, perhaps it is worth a thought.
In order to make sense of all this, I ended up dividing attraction into two key parts. There is basic attraction, which might be possible to explain psychologically. And then, there is love, which I personally believe will never be explained through any humanly means. Sure, you can go through the psychology of love, and even the chemistry, with all these different chemicals in the brain and nerve endings. But I believe the heart is too unpredictable to be explained by any means on this earth.
So which part are these articles directed at generating? The answer should be obvious. Basic attraction might very well be possible to figure out, and even attain with the right methods. I’m still undecided as to whether I believe the methods stated in these articles actually work or not, but I do agree with them on one key point. Love cannot be found without some means of attraction. Do these methods really work on 99.9% of women like the articles claim? Perhaps I will never know. I’m not exactly eager to go around testing them for a simple reason.
In the dead center of all these articles, there was one really short article that stood out. It didn’t support its methods with psychology or experience, only backed them up with statements I have known and supported since I became aware of the concept of relationships. That particular article could have been summed up in only two words: BE YOURSELF. I actually pumped my fist and said “Amen brother!” when I read that particular article. Those words summarize my own theories regarding attraction.
The articles do have an argument for this as well. A few of them took the time to mention that you should never attempt to become someone other than who you truly are, but added that the crucial element is confidence. They went on to elaborate about how your current personality, along with some added confidence, can go a long way. One of them mentioned nervousness and overthinking as some of the top mistakes most men make, and that these particular mistakes can be avoided by gaining confidence. While that is easier said than done, I can’t fault the logic here.
So what is there to be gained from all this? To be honest, I can’t say I’ve gained much, because I might never get a chance to use many of the techniques talked about in these articles. Plus, I still haven’t decided whether I want to trust those methods or not. There is one thing I will walk away with though. When it comes to generating attraction, confidence is king. That is something I believe everyone, even the girls who are reading this and rolling their eyes, can gain from this. Be confident in the person you are, and you are bound to find what you are looking for eventually.
