After the negative focus of several previous entries I have written, it is interesting for me to see the longevity of hope become quite plain. I have seen it emerge again in me recently.
That's right. I have found a new light. I'm sure many are scratching their heads and wondering exactly what I mean by that, but if you think about it for a second, it really isn't that hard to understand. It means, I think I might have found someone who might be able to bring back my hope.
It is, for the moment, just a small crush; a feeling not unfamiliar to me. However, it is a feeling I have been devoid of for far too long; a feeling I realize I have missed like an old friend. I find myself wanting to go out of my way just to see and talk to her. I am constantly looking for ways to secretly give her a gift, even if she doesn't know it was me.
She might just be the one who can restore my hope. Obviously, it is far from certain. I have just begun to get to know her, so I can't say any of this with a degree of certainty. In any case, I can tell the possibility is there, and I can't wait to find out more about her, and more importantly, what kind of heart she has.
As I mentioned in my last entry, she is with a group of people who I figured would be the last to notice. Instead they have been one of the first. She does indeed notice me, and seems to do so for decent reasons. I know that one of the first things she noticed about me was my smile. It is what she first noticed, and continues to notice. To me, my smile is representative of my generally kind nature. Hopefully, she has a similar meaning in mind.
As always, I am uncertain about how to proceed. Several of my friends have recommended that I "just go for it." Whatever that means... Despite what everyone says, I think I'm going to stick to the path that best suits me. I'm going to get to know her better before I get in over my head. It reflects one of my biggest quarrels with modern relationships. Everything is way too rushed. Taking time to discover your options and get to know somebody is never a bad thing; at least, in my opinion. In that light, I think I'm going to do what I always do and bide my time. If it is right... it will be. That is all that matters.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Contrary to My Own Beliefs
I have a lot of catching up to do. Especially since I decided to let this blog get outdated by several months.
Anyways, over the past few months, something interesting has happened that really caught my attention. A certain group of people whom I would normally ignore has started to notice me. I have no clue as to why, but they seem to enjoy making friends with me.
Who are these people? Though I can't confirm all of my suspicions about them, I know they participate in several activities that I normally look down upon. Those would include smoking, drinking, partying... etc.
Anyone noticing the irony? I typically condemn these types for poor decisions, but out of everyone else, they seem to notice me the most. I suppose I need to be a lot less judgemental of people who have made a few bad choices, because it seems that many of the people whom I normally wish would notice me are too stuck up or too blind to do so.
So what should I do? I could certainly ignore, or attempt to avoid the extra attention. But that would also go against one of my most recent realized beliefs. I should never judge anyone without giving them a chance. This is common knowledge; however, it is amazing how many people are judgemental about others without even getting to know them at all.
In the end, I have to admit... they seem like wonderful people despite everything. And I am going to accept their friendship with open arms. Still, I will hold true to my own morals and ideals, no matter how much I am tempted to do otherwise.
Anyways, over the past few months, something interesting has happened that really caught my attention. A certain group of people whom I would normally ignore has started to notice me. I have no clue as to why, but they seem to enjoy making friends with me.
Who are these people? Though I can't confirm all of my suspicions about them, I know they participate in several activities that I normally look down upon. Those would include smoking, drinking, partying... etc.
Anyone noticing the irony? I typically condemn these types for poor decisions, but out of everyone else, they seem to notice me the most. I suppose I need to be a lot less judgemental of people who have made a few bad choices, because it seems that many of the people whom I normally wish would notice me are too stuck up or too blind to do so.
So what should I do? I could certainly ignore, or attempt to avoid the extra attention. But that would also go against one of my most recent realized beliefs. I should never judge anyone without giving them a chance. This is common knowledge; however, it is amazing how many people are judgemental about others without even getting to know them at all.
In the end, I have to admit... they seem like wonderful people despite everything. And I am going to accept their friendship with open arms. Still, I will hold true to my own morals and ideals, no matter how much I am tempted to do otherwise.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Fighting Back
I have made mention several times to these particular girls that have proven to me that they are all the same. I talk about them in virtually every post I make these days; and this one is no exception.
I finally got my chance to speak my mind to both of them.
The first one has routine contact with me via Internet and text messaging, however, I rarely see her face to face. So, she was talking with me about new ways to win this guy she likes (for absolutely no good reasons I should add) and I finally snapped. I told her that I had disagreed with her pursuit of this guy, over nothing but a photo, from the beginning.
For starters, she was only focused on looks. How could I let that go forever without getting my word in on that? Anyone who has read any of my previous posts knows that I detest it when ANYONE makes judgements about someone based on looks alone. It is one of my biggest pet peeves.
Also, she had already made some serious mistakes (which I won't mention in light of the fact that it would ruin some of her dignity) that had destroyed most of her chances. Why would I let her continue on?
So, I got my word in. I told her that if she ever wanted to be truly happy, she needed to let go. She agreed at first, but as I've found to be typical with her, she began to let her thoughts drift back to him. By the end of our conversation, she was already back to talking about how to get him to like her again. I really should have seen that coming.
The other girl, whom I have much more face-to-face interaction with, had placed herself in a situation that I could barely comprehend. That is, I could barely comprehend the stupidity of it all. She had broken up with her jerk of a boyfriend. To say that the breakup was messy wouldn't even describe the tip of the iceberg. He had even threatened her with a weapon at one point. Not to mention the fact that he is your typical "bad boy." (See earlier entries for reference.) So, what does she do once the two of them are apart? Much to my dismay, she goes out and finds herself a guy who is even WORSE than the previous one. Needless to say, this relationship didn't last long. However, it is what she did next that truly crushed my confidence in girls to make the right choices. She "realized" that she was still in love with her ex... and promptly chased him down and got back together with him.
Obviously, I had several MAJOR problems with this.
1. The guy is a complete ass and deserved to be alone the rest of his life.
2. She is an amazing girl and deserves soooo much better.
3. He threatened her WITH A WEAPON!!!
4. This goes against everything I know to be true about love.
5. Now he knows he can get away with anything he wants and she will always come running back.
6. HE THREATENED HER WITH A WEAPON!!!
7. I truly care about her and hate to see her upset when he treats her like dirt.
8. In that same light, I hate to see her throwing away any chance to see her love returned in kind.
9. Um, did I mention he THREATENED HER WITH A WEAPON!?
So, I have been bottling up my resentment toward this entire situation for several months now. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to her about it, because doing so would require me to tell her just how stupid she was for doing what she did.
Anyways, my chance finally came when a good friend of mine (and of hers) called her out when she was complaining about her loser of a boyfriend. He started in on the subject, and I couldn't resist driving the point home. We talked for a minute or two about it. Every time she would attempt to defend him and her actions, my friend and I simply demolished her argument. Eventually, I could tell she felt backed into a corner, because she simply walked away, hopped into her car, and drove off without another word.
Makes me look a bit like a villain doesn't it? I thought so too, however, I also realized that the point had to be made eventually. And the only way to do it was to tell her straight up. (I had made hints at the stupidity of her decisions before, only to have them fly right over her head.) Anyways, I am still receiving the silent treatment, and I believe my friend is receiving the same. Despite it all, I am glad I finally had a chance to get that off my chest. And even if it destroys our friendship, I'd be willing to give that up just to make sure my point gets to her... So that she doesn't miss out on the most wonderful thing this life has to offer.
And as for the first girl I mentioned, she is still blindly chasing him for no reason I can comprehend. She tries to avoid talking to him, but fails miserably every time. Apparently, the point I made about liking him for all the wrong reasons was lost somewhere along the way.
The sad thing about both of these cases is that there is only one thing that might truly be able to make these girls come to their senses. And that... is getting hurt. The only thing that might knock some sense into them is for them to be hurt. Not physically, but by having their hearts broken. Perhaps that is the only way any girl will learn from her mistakes...
I finally got my chance to speak my mind to both of them.
The first one has routine contact with me via Internet and text messaging, however, I rarely see her face to face. So, she was talking with me about new ways to win this guy she likes (for absolutely no good reasons I should add) and I finally snapped. I told her that I had disagreed with her pursuit of this guy, over nothing but a photo, from the beginning.
For starters, she was only focused on looks. How could I let that go forever without getting my word in on that? Anyone who has read any of my previous posts knows that I detest it when ANYONE makes judgements about someone based on looks alone. It is one of my biggest pet peeves.
Also, she had already made some serious mistakes (which I won't mention in light of the fact that it would ruin some of her dignity) that had destroyed most of her chances. Why would I let her continue on?
So, I got my word in. I told her that if she ever wanted to be truly happy, she needed to let go. She agreed at first, but as I've found to be typical with her, she began to let her thoughts drift back to him. By the end of our conversation, she was already back to talking about how to get him to like her again. I really should have seen that coming.
The other girl, whom I have much more face-to-face interaction with, had placed herself in a situation that I could barely comprehend. That is, I could barely comprehend the stupidity of it all. She had broken up with her jerk of a boyfriend. To say that the breakup was messy wouldn't even describe the tip of the iceberg. He had even threatened her with a weapon at one point. Not to mention the fact that he is your typical "bad boy." (See earlier entries for reference.) So, what does she do once the two of them are apart? Much to my dismay, she goes out and finds herself a guy who is even WORSE than the previous one. Needless to say, this relationship didn't last long. However, it is what she did next that truly crushed my confidence in girls to make the right choices. She "realized" that she was still in love with her ex... and promptly chased him down and got back together with him.
Obviously, I had several MAJOR problems with this.
1. The guy is a complete ass and deserved to be alone the rest of his life.
2. She is an amazing girl and deserves soooo much better.
3. He threatened her WITH A WEAPON!!!
4. This goes against everything I know to be true about love.
5. Now he knows he can get away with anything he wants and she will always come running back.
6. HE THREATENED HER WITH A WEAPON!!!
7. I truly care about her and hate to see her upset when he treats her like dirt.
8. In that same light, I hate to see her throwing away any chance to see her love returned in kind.
9. Um, did I mention he THREATENED HER WITH A WEAPON!?
So, I have been bottling up my resentment toward this entire situation for several months now. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to her about it, because doing so would require me to tell her just how stupid she was for doing what she did.
Anyways, my chance finally came when a good friend of mine (and of hers) called her out when she was complaining about her loser of a boyfriend. He started in on the subject, and I couldn't resist driving the point home. We talked for a minute or two about it. Every time she would attempt to defend him and her actions, my friend and I simply demolished her argument. Eventually, I could tell she felt backed into a corner, because she simply walked away, hopped into her car, and drove off without another word.
Makes me look a bit like a villain doesn't it? I thought so too, however, I also realized that the point had to be made eventually. And the only way to do it was to tell her straight up. (I had made hints at the stupidity of her decisions before, only to have them fly right over her head.) Anyways, I am still receiving the silent treatment, and I believe my friend is receiving the same. Despite it all, I am glad I finally had a chance to get that off my chest. And even if it destroys our friendship, I'd be willing to give that up just to make sure my point gets to her... So that she doesn't miss out on the most wonderful thing this life has to offer.
And as for the first girl I mentioned, she is still blindly chasing him for no reason I can comprehend. She tries to avoid talking to him, but fails miserably every time. Apparently, the point I made about liking him for all the wrong reasons was lost somewhere along the way.
The sad thing about both of these cases is that there is only one thing that might truly be able to make these girls come to their senses. And that... is getting hurt. The only thing that might knock some sense into them is for them to be hurt. Not physically, but by having their hearts broken. Perhaps that is the only way any girl will learn from her mistakes...
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