Kind of an odd title, but I think I'll go with it.
Lately, I've taken a closer look at my own actions. What I am seeing surprises me. From what I can tell, my search for someone who is different then all the rest (someone who has the ability to love me for who I am) has taken over a lot of who I am. I am constantly thinking about it, and it has gotten to the point where it seems to dominate my every action.
The real question is... is this good or bad?
Some might say I'm overreacting. I'm not so sure though... Whenever I'm about to go somewhere, I find myself thinking about: Who might I meet there? And when I get there, my eyes dart from person to person, observing what I can about people around me. It is a never ceasing cycle, so it would seem. And it only makes me that much more conscious about my aloneness.
Most recently, I went with my family to an amusement park. I should have been prepared for the large number of couples there, seeing as amusement parks are prime date destinations. But I was blissfully unaware until we got there, and I began to observe my surroundings. I couldn't get my mind off of it the whole time we were there... How wonderful it would be to have someone you could do stuff like that with... It is definitely one of the most taken-for-granted things in this world.
Anyways, you might call this whole thing an obsession, hence the title. But is it bad or good? And is there really any reason for it when I probably have little chance of finding what I'm looking for?
I'm probably overthinking this, but I can't help but ask myself all of these questions. And as I mentioned before, this whole thing is overshadowed by a sense of dread. A sense that I might not find what I'm devoting so much of my time and effort searching for.
