I was originally planning on saving this one for a lot longer, but I figured I might as well get the question out of the way. Why do the bad boys always seem to win? Just about every guy with half a heart is desperately searching for the answer to this question.
I’m sure everyone reading this is saying “No, they don’t always win!” Well, if you don’t think so, take a look around. The “bad boys,” as I will be referring to them, don’t ALWAYS win, but they do win a majority of the time. It is evident everywhere.
Have you heard the common story about best friends? You’ll recognize it when I tell it to you.
A girl and a guy are best friends. The guy has a good heart, as does the girl. Slowly, the guy begins falling for her, however, she soon begins dating a different guy. Being best friends, the girl tells him everything about her new relationship, and it soon becomes apparent that this other guy is nothing but trouble. He mistreats her and uses her. The guy longs to step in and do something, or even better, reveal his own feelings for her. However, he does not want to put her through any more trouble than she is already going through, so he remains silent. Eventually, the bad boy breaks up with the girl. The guy feels sorry for her, but harbors a bit of excitement. It looks like he might get a chance to finally tell her how he feels. However, she continues to pursue the bad boy, knowing full well what kind of person he is. And once again, the guy is forced to choke down his feelings. Eventually, the girl and the bad boy get back together again. This cycle continues for several years. Eventually, the girl finally realizes that the bad boy will truly never change. Her best friend continues to comfort her through all of this, and once again hopes for a chance to tell her. However, his enthusiasm is short lived. The girl tells him about another guy she recently met who has been incredibly kind to her. And from there, the cycle looks to begin once again.
Not exactly your happily ever after is it? Obviously, every story is different, but many of them follow a pattern similar to the one found here.
Just to be blunt, I have seen so much of this lately, it makes me want to hurl. Now, I’m not necessarily the one in the middle all the time, but I have seen so many similar stories, it would take me several hundred pages to compile them all.
Now, I’m sure the universal question has now become: “What exactly is a bad boy?” Well, there are countless answers to that single question, but I’m going to try and narrow down a few characteristics.
- He tends to have great looks or some type of outward trait that draws attention. This could be anything from general good looks to a different style of clothing.
- He has the ability to act charming, but his personality can change quickly.
- He is extreme in the audio sense. Either he talks way too much, or way too little.
- He drinks and/or does drugs.
- He is involved in other illegal activity.
- He is cocky or arrogant.
- Sex dominates his conversations, values, and life.
- He goes through relationships quickly.
Now, these are only a few of thousands of characteristics that can and often do define “bad boys.” Just because a guy has some of these traits doesn’t necessarily make him a bad boy, but these are some of the most common.
Most of these are pretty bad traits right? So why do they always end up with the edge over good guys?
Some of this can be explained by the “challenge factor” which I presented in my first post. These guys present a big challenge. The girls who are after them feel special that this guy, who gets into so many relationships chose them over other girls. It also give them what I refer to as the “change challenge.” What isn’t challenging about trying to help rework someone’s priorities in life right? I’m sure the dangerous feel of these types of guys is probably quite attractive to many girls as well.
And don’t forget the looks. The typical bad boy look is emphasized way too much in every aspect of popular culture today. There is one of them in just about every movie you see nowadays. Why wouldn’t any girl want a guy like that?
The real question is…. Is this realistic at all?
Well, most girls like to believe it is. Up until they decide to give him all their love…. And wind up having their hearts broken. Then, they become depressed, log onto Facebook, and like all of these pages that talk about how bad all guys are. Hey, if you don’t believe me, take a look at how many likes some of those pages get. If you fall into that category, you need to WAKE UP! Just because the guy you tried to love was a complete jerk, that doesn’t make all guys like that! In fact, you are probably overlooking that one guy who would be willing to give you his whole heart with no strings attached!
So how do you avoid the bad types and single out the good ones?
First, you need to take another look around you. And be sure to look at EVERY guy, regardless of looks, or whether or not you believe he might have potential. Pay particular interest to the good personality traits in each of them. Don’t just go by looks or outgoingness. A lot of times, the real gem is right under your nose.
Second, you need to be sure to eliminate the “friend zone.” I will elaborate more about the friend zone in a later post. For now, just eliminate friendship as a barrier. Don’t even take it into consideration when you are looking at guys. Many girls unconsciously push the best types of guys into their “friend zones,” labeling them as “too close to date.” I say, forget all that. Some of the best relationships blossom from friendship.
Finally, re-evaluate your priorities and expectations when it comes to guys. If you are continuously being led to the same bad type of guy, then reworking your priorities might help. I know every girl has a list of things she does/doesn’t want to see in a guy. Try throwing out a few of the less important expectations in the “looks” category, such as height, muscle mass, weight, etc. In fact, you don’t even have to throw them out, just loosen up a little bit. You’d be surprised at what you might find.
