It is kinda weird... all in one day, the lives of several people I know have been turned upside down. I've rediscovered people I once knew and have missed, and some I'd rather forget. And at the same time, several of those people that I have studied for a long time have had things go seriously wrong in their lives.
I'm sure my use of the word "studied" has many people scratching their heads. These just so happen to be the people that I might have mentioned in this blog before. I have used several of them as examples here, and I tend to keep them in the back of my mind when I'm writing posts like these.
It is interesting to note that I have also predicted a lot of these things. Not that I'm psychic or anything, just intuition.
Either way, the whole situation both excites and frustrates me. It kills me to admit that another person's suffering excites me at all, and it is definitely overshadowed by the further pain I feel because of people like these. If they would just wake up and see what life really has to offer... and that also means looking deeper. If one can only see the surface of things, it is much more likely that life will be able to find a way to bring one down.
It is difficult to explain my feelings regarding these people. Many of them, I have had feelings for in the past, and it is an interesting concept seeing them fail (primarily in other relationships). It just makes me think... could I have made a difference?
I tend to feel quite insignificant when it comes to these things... People don't notice me the same way they notice others for some reason. I'm not sure if it has to do with my personality, or perhaps my appearance. Either way, I know that none of them took the chance to look deeper. Because I know I have something more to give.
It is also kinda funny... many of them post quotes of sadness and desperation on Facebook and other places. It upsets me at a deeper level to see this because it makes me feel like I might have been able to make a difference after all. But as I mentioned before, for that to happen, they would have had to look deeper in the first place. Many of these quotes upset me more, because they seem to assume that the world is against them. The fact of the matter is, the world can't be against them because... I'm not. I never was, and don't plan on being so. And the fact of the matter was, I could have been the one to wipe away their tears. But instead, I'm the one wiping my own tears. All because they refused to look deeper.
At the same time, I'm forced to look to the future. They say that when one door shuts, another opens. I might have seen that door. And what is behind that door... is everything I could have ever imagined. The only problem is bridging the gap from here to there. And could it really be everything I'm looking for? Or would it simply be another letdown?
Those types of questions threaten to hold me back from finding something truly special. But I can only hope and believe that once something right finds me... it will all work itself out.
In the end, people seem to be blinded to what really matters. They overlook what they swear matters most to them. And in the end... it costs them dearly. Unfortunately, it costs everyone around them too. Simply because they might be blinded by what has happened, and refuse to accept true happiness when they have a shot at it. It is one of the many principles that inspired the creation of this blog and continues to inspire it today.
And so my search continues for one who has the ability to look deeper. Have I already found what I seek? Or is it just another dead end? I suppose I'll find out one way or another.
And with that... I can only write on. And hope somebody will listen.
