So yes, I know it has been a while again. I have had a rather interesting summer since I last posted here on the blog.
In regards to the Endeavor series I was doing before, I plan on continuing to post in the series. In fact, I have a rather interesting story to tell. However, this new series will tie in with the result of the Endeavor series. Unfortunately, the result of the Endeavor series will be revealed as I begin this new series, which I plan to entitle "100 Reasons Why I Will Never Find What I'm Looking For."
I will however, say that I came incredibly close to succeeding on the quest presented in the Endeavor series, but ultimately fell just short. I will discuss the feelings about this further when I post another entry in the series, but I should say that I am happy that I got to experience some hope again, if only for a while. However, the fall deadline I set for myself has come and gone, and as such, I would like to release this new series to commemorate how close I was able to come to my goal.
I won't say that there isn't some frustration involved with my decision to begin this series. I'm not looking for revenge, but merely to explore the reasons why I am beginning to believe that a person that is supposedly perfect for me does not, in fact, exist.
I do however, hope that those that I have once had feelings for, would read this and understand how they contributed to my beliefs in this matter. It has been both difficult and easy to accept the truth of the matter finally, but I am happy to have an outlet, like this series, which will allow me to explore those beliefs in more depth.
As the title indicates, I am planning on going for one hundred total entries in this series. Originally, I did not think 100 entries would be possible. However, I was brainstorming ideas for the series the other day, and I was able to think of over 30 ideas in less than an hour or two, which was far above and beyond what I thought was possible. The number 100 also has roots in a piece I wrote for a girl I had feelings for a while back, in which I came up with 100 reasons why I thought she was amazing. I figured it would be appropriate I would now use the same number to define my possible infinite aloneness.
Also worth clarification, is the idea that I will never enter into a relationship. I shouldn't say that it will never happen, as I suppose there is the slight chance that something could come along and change my mind. The main things that are changing in regards to my approach to relationships are as follows. First, I am beginning to accept the fact that the odds I will ever find what I'm looking for are very slim. Second, I am no longer going to actively try to find what I am looking for. If it comes to me, I might consider allowing myself to love again, although it will admittedly be very difficult. But I am no longer interested in chasing people who have no interest in me at all, and therefore, I will not chase any more. With all that in mind, I know it would take an absolutely amazing person for me to ever consider the dating and relationship scene again. And from what I've seen, it is hard for me to continue to believe that person exists. The reasons for this belief will be explored extensively in this series, as I am still trying to collect and express the reasons behind it.
As I am continuously mentioning, my main goal with this series is to express the deeper feelings I have in regards to my emerging beliefs and feelings. I am also looking to improve my own understanding of these in-depth reasons, as writing seems to be one of the best ways for me to understand myself.
With all of that said, there are a few things that should be clarified before I begin.
First, I will be continuing The Endeavor series. However, as this new series currently takes up a majority of my thoughts and inspiration, the posts will be rather few and far between. However, I still want to detail my journey through online dating, and all of the stigmas that surround it, and how I very nearly found what I was looking for.
Second, I should point out that I am very prone to creative blocks, or periods of time where I have little to no inspiration for writing ideas, or no desire to sit down and write those ideas. As my creativity seems to come in streaks, I cannot guarantee any particular schedule in regards to posts. Please forgive me if I disappear again.
Third, please keep in mind that this upcoming series is from the perspective of a guy. As such, there will be some focus on female failings when it comes to relationships. I am not discriminatory or sexist. I am simply presenting a male point of view, or approaching the subject from a male point of view. I realize the fact that there are probably plenty of single girls out there that could probably come up with a similar list of reasons as to why they are single, and will continue to be so. I could probably debate most of those reasons, but that is a subject for another blog post! Whatever the case might be, if you at any point in this series, feel as though I'm being sexist, please get off of your politically correct high horse and try to understand the situation from my point of view.
Fourth, understand that many of the topics I will be discussing are GENERALIZATIONS. I am in no way trying to classify or categorize people. I am simply speaking from my own experience with these topics. Just because I talk about how women have a particular problem does not mean I think ALL women are like that. I am simply speaking to what I have found to be true from experience. If you or someone you know does not match the topic I am discussing, that doesn't make me incorrect. This is going to be a list-style series for a reason. Chances are likely, if you don't believe I should classify people based on a few of the categories on the list, you can probably agree with several others. Once again, please keep an open mind.
Fifth, this list will be in no particular order. Reason #1 on the list isn't necessarily the most prominent reason, and reason #100 isn't necessarily the least prominent. I will simply be posting the ideas in any order that comes to me, and whatever idea I feel most inspired to talk about at that particular moment will be what gets posted.
With all of that said, I will apologize in advance to all of my female readers. There will be a focus on a number of things that females do that drive me away from relationships. Please bear with me, and understand what I'm saying. If you want to try and prove me wrong, feel free. I'm not opposed to being proven wrong on one or more topics. But like I mentioned before, this is a big list for a reason.
Finally, with all of that said, I should probably conclude with another note. This isn't a "if you fit into any of the 100 categories on this list, I will not date you" series. I'm not listing all of the ways that I am picky. I'm listing a number of things that push me away, especially if a lot of these apply to a person. But I will not forget that love is not finding a perfect person, but rather learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. Nobody is perfect, and I have always understood that, and will always understood that. I am not posting this to emphasize imperfections, nor am I posting it to try and force people to change things about who they are. I am simply posting my own personal frustrations with love and relationships in an effort to learn more about myself. Just because a person fits into a category or multiple categories on this list does not mean that I would never date that person or couldn't fall in love with them. I know just as well as anyone else that love can overcome any of these obstacles, and mine is no exception. I am just listing the reasons why I don't think I'll ever find a person worth overcoming those obstacles for.
So, be sure to approach the series with an open and understanding mind, and please enjoy!
