Hidden Gems

I had just gotten home tonight, and had logged onto Facebook, when I noticed an interesting post. A girl I know distantly had posted a picture of a small piece of paper one of her co-workers had written to her. It read "My friend in the red shirt thinks you are attractive. He is shy. Call him maybe?" Then, it listed his name and number. Now, aside from the obvious (and rather cheesy) "Call me maybe" reference, this is a rather cute surprise. One that I would die to have happen to me. Of course, that stuff never does... Anyways, enough about me. What could anyone possibly find wrong with this?

Leave it to jerks on Facebook to come up with the answer. Shortly after the picture was posted, a guy posted what seemed like a reasonable and intriguing answer. He said: "Boo. If a guy wants you in his world, he will make it happen. It took his friend to leave the number. No brainer. No call."

Seems like a pretty reasonable answer doesn't it? Well, it only seems this way to those who don't understand what shyness is, and how it factors into situations like these. You see, while this statement makes sense at first, you have to take it into context to really see where it goes wrong. As usual, I'll break it down for you.

First of all, since when did this become about a guy wanting a girl in his world? Last I checked, this was more about a potential future relationship, not an instant one. Besides, since when does a phone call make her "in his world?" This whole statement is hypocritical from the get-go. (Not to mention the "Boo" part.) Lets face it. This is probably a poor guy who, like me, isn't fond of throwing himself at girls. He is probably just wishing some girl would have a good enough heart to give him a chance. Unfortunately, thanks to this jerk's post (and the "like" it was given by the girl the note was written to), he will probably be shunned yet again. Overall, it is extremely unfair to talk about how a guy will make things happen if he wants a girl in his world, because that is a statement best applied to those already in a relationship. Not to mention its applications to girls who are in love with a guy who gives them nothing in return. To take such a statement, and use it to talk about how a girl shouldn't give a guy a chance is extremely stupid and arrogant.

Second, the "It took his friend to leave the number" part. Where to begin here... This, to me, just sounds like an insult. It is an insult directed at this shy fellow, who probably didn't even ask for this to happen in the first place. Anyone who has been around their friends for long enough knows how this goes. You mention to one of them that you think somebody is cute. Then, they try to use every excuse to embarrass you. It is all in good fun, and they are usually hoping that the two end up together because of their antics. So, more than likely, this guy had no control over the situation. Yes, there is the possibility that he asked his friends to do this, but even I can sympathize with him in that situation. Sure, it isn't the most "manly" thing to do, but it is nothing to be ashamed of either. Not every guy likes to go around everywhere shoving his number in attractive girls' faces like it's nothing. For some, pursuit of a girl is a unique and rare experience. One that takes time and interest to warm up to. And in those cases, the guy is much less likely to walk up and use some cheesy pick-up lines, then dump his number on a girl. How romantic is that? Not very. While the secretive message isn't much better, it still has an air of mystery and intrigue to it. So c'mon... give the guy some credit.

Third, whats with the "No brainer" thing? As if being an aggressive jerk is the only way to play things in (or before) a relationship? C'mon... since when are all guys supposed to be the same? Ok, not all guys who give out their number to girls are aggressive jerks, but some of them are. So what's wrong with being different? Why can't someone step outside the norm every now and again? It certainly keeps things interesting. While most of this was probably orchestrated by this guy's friends, you can still give him some credit for playing things differently. Most importantly, not being the guy who jumps at appearances and decides to put everything on the line for a girl he only knows at a glance. Kinda puts the whole "If he wants her in his life" quote from earlier in perspective and makes it sound foolish huh?

Fourth and finally, the "No call" bit. Frankly, this is the worst part of this whole thing. The posting loser thinks that, because of the nonsense he spewed earlier in the post, that he has somehow proved a point, and that the girl shouldn't even give this guy a chance. Remember, SHE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT HIM, save for the fact that he is shy. What exactly does that prove? Does being shy make him a bad person that deserves to be avoided? Hell no. It just makes him DIFFERENT. So what the poster is implying is that, despite the fact that she knows nothing about this guy, other than the fact that he is shy, she should ignore him because he didn't bring his number to her in person. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that the guy is perfect because he is shy. Shyness doesn't necessarily mean that he'll be a great person deep down. But it can hide gems sometimes. And the person that doesn't take a look to find out could be the one missing out on the find of a lifetime.

Okay, I might have overdone it this time. But I couldn't help but feel a deep-seated anger after reading that post, and seeing the girl agree with such worthless relationship advice. How can anyone advocate for missing out on a potential gem? Thanks to that post, my appetite has been lost for the entire evening. I hope that the jerk who posted that advice is happy. Someone he has never met lost his dinner over how dumb his post was. And to the girl that decided to take (or at least "like") his advice, I weep for you too. Following the advice of fools like this will most likely have you in a relationship with an overly assertive type of guy. I'm not saying that such a trait is bad, but it can be in some situations. Especially since guys who are confident enough to hand you their number in person have likely done the same thing with a large number of other women. How does THAT make you feel? And finally, my heart goes out to the poor guy who was rejected because some jerk painted him as a loser because he was shy. Nothing is wrong with being shy. It is a personality trait that I admire, because any time that shyness is broken is a gift to the person who broke it. It makes a person that much more special to the ones who are willing to look past the shy exterior, and to the heart within.
In addition, to all of the readers out there... If you ever get relationship advice like this, don't forget to check with your heart first. The best advice anyone can give is to just be yourself, whether your heart is worn on your sleeve, or locked away for someone special to find.

Where I Stand

I'm not even going to mention how long it's been since I last posted. Since I do that every time, I'm just going to skip it and pretend like I posted just yesterday.

Since last time, I have fallen even more behind in my search for that one thing that could make me whole. Love seemingly isn't supposed to be a part of my life, or so it seems. So perhaps, that feeling of hopelessness is finally getting to me. It seems I've struck out one too many times when it comes to finding someone willing to love me for who I am, and who I can love the same way. It just seems sometimes like love just doesn't operate that way any more. It is always about looks and catchy personalities, but never about what matters most.

I won't say I didn't try. Sure, I didn't chase every girl I met; but the few I did chase weren't capable of loving me for me. And it tears me apart to think about. Just the other day, I saw an article on a new website entitled: "Why you're still single." Obviously curious, I opened it, but was very disappointed with the content. It only told me things I've known for a long time; Things that I know I've addressed. After I closed it, I was left with that empty feeling inside.

And it isn't like I didn't try to do things the normal way. I asked several girls on dates, only to be disappointed every time. Whether it was through rejection, or through the sad details of the aftermath of otherwise good dates, I just seem to be let down every time. Just the other day, I heard a girl I work with talking about how she doesn't do the dating scene. She said that it just wasn't for her. Perhaps I'm the same way. Maybe the dating scene just isn't for me. I've always tried to avoid getting sucked in by it. To me, it has never really seemed real. And these recent experiences only seem to back that up.

Even back when I was in love with that girl in high school, I was still the same way. I avoided the dating scene like the plague. Even then, it just didn't seem real enough. It was the reason I decided not to ask her out. If I was going to ask her out, I wanted the feeling to be mutual, not something I would have to attempt to produce. Besides, the pressure of having to impress someone seems like too much for me. If I was going to have someone fall for me, I would want it to be for who I am naturally, not because I was allowing myself to be overaggressive. And even with me taking my time, I think I probably always come across as too aggressive anyway.

So if the dating scene isn't for me, than where do I belong?

A friend of mine recently recommended online dating. I had been thinking about that for a while, and I have always been slightly unsure. While it seems like a good idea at first, there are several concerns that I would have with it.
First, I would have to pay to get into any good dating site. Now, I know the response to this. There are plenty of free sites out there. But from what I've seen, most of those sites are crap, for the same reason that I would consider them: They are free. That in itself promotes a large number of inactive and spammer accounts. A majority of the accounts that exist on those sites are probably inactive, and most of the remaining accounts are probably spammers. Not to mention the number of actually genuine accounts that are probably set up just to browse the market, not to actually be serious about finding someone. So I would have to sort through all of that nonsense just to begin my search. Now, I'm not trying to be a penny-pincher or anything. And what I'm saying here about having to pay to get on a good site might come across as such. After all, most people are all in favor of sparing no expense when it comes to love. However, it just doesn't seem quite right to me, having to pay money just to have a hope of meeting someone. Not to mention, 10-15 dollars per month adds up pretty quickly. Despite all of that, if I was to date online, it would have to be through a site that I trust.
Second, I have concerns about many of the people that use online dating in general. I have read into online dating, and there are a couple of things in particular that stand out about the people that use it. The main thing is that many of them are expecting to find someone who is perfect from head to toe, inside and out. Now, if I know anything about this world, it is that nobody is perfect. That includes me. However, I can safely assume that looks make up a large portion of that "perfection" that they're seeking. Those types of unrealistic expectations could really kill any hope of actually finding someone. I mean, people who have the looks usually don't have to try and find someone anyway. So, those people who are using online dating to try and find other who have the bods of gods probably need a bit of a reality check.
Finally, I'm concerned that it might turn out to be no different from the normal dating scene. If that is the case, then all of it would be just a waste of time. After all, that is what I would be trying to avoid.

Despite all of my concerns, I am still on the fence. To try it or not? Maybe I will, once I get an ounce of confidence back.

Aside from the slight bit of hope that I put into the online dating thing, I have to say, most of the hope that I once carried has been stripped away. I might be finally coming to accept the fact that I might never find what I'm looking for. Sure, it would be tragic, but we don't live in a fairytale, where everyone except the bad guys get a happy ending. This is real life, and perhaps not everyone is destined for that happy ending we all long for. That goes especially for someone like me.

In the meantime, I'll continue to do what I've pledged to do. And that is, to help other people as much as I can. Even if it means hiding behind fake smiles and mock happiness.

Back to the Blog

I do realize it has been some time. The blog has been untouched for some time, mostly because of the fact that I have had little to write about. Perhaps that isn't entirely true. I've had many things to write about, but some things are difficult to even put into words. Aside from that, I've been working on other writing projects.

However, there are some things that shouldn't go unsaid. I have found myself drawn back to writing for this blog. Especially in light of recent events that have really caused me to question people in general, and of course, love.

As usual, I find myself on the losing end of the great thing that we all call love. Failed attempts, betrayals, and the like can cause one's newfound hope to fade quickly. While I shouldn't go into detail, I once again find my hope fading. It seems like everyone else, girls especially, are all the same.

There have been several different things that have gotten to me lately. As I mentioned before, I won't go into extreme detail, as that would only cause problems. However, the first of these is difficult to explain. I've found someone whom others claim would be a perfect match for me. I believe I've mentioned it in previous posts. Anyways, from the little I know of her, she seems like a good person. The problem is, I feel absolutely neutral toward her. I know I should probably be falling for her, but my heart seems to be incredibly opposed to that.

I have some ideas about why, and they have to do with personality. I have discovered that I value a person's ability to be a bit spontaneous, perhaps more than I realized. It would keep things fresh and interesting. Perhaps that, and several other things are holding me back from discovering feelings for her. Either way, it crosses my mind all the time.

The second thing that has been getting me lately is the feeling of betrayal. It is the most recent development in a series of events that had first given me hope, then destroyed it. I won't go into any more detail than the fact that I now know, without a doubt, that there are people out there who can be quite dangerous. Despite the fact that I would never believe what other people said about her constantly, she proved it all right. Not to mention, lying to me about it in the process.

Hence, the feeling of betrayal. Alongside the feeling of desertion, betrayal is one of the worst feelings ever. I keep telling myself that I'm probably overreacting, but I can't shake the feeling that there is something more to what is going on. And while I'm fighting the loss of hope with all I've got, it continues to slip away as I continue to realize just how hopeless my situation actually is.

And, to make matters worse, another person that I used to have feelings for has re-entered my life, but under the strangest of circumstances. She randomly contacted me again, after several months of total silence between us. Implying she had something to talk to me about, she baited me into telling her a lot more that I should have. Even after that, she still won't tell me what she initially wanted to say. Even though I already know what she is hiding, and understand why she is hiding it, I can't help but feel played yet again. In response, I plan to push whatever is left of her out of my heart. Something I know how to do only too well. And this time, I have no doubt it is the best thing to do.

Anyways, enough of my rambling randomly about my problems. The biggest part of a problem is the solution. I've been contemplating doing something I had previously considered off-limits. Not because I believed it was bad, but because I wasn't sure I trusted it. I won't reveal what it is until I've come closer to a decision on whether or not it would really be a valuable tool in my search for someone who is genuinely different.

Either way, I need to find some source of hope soon. In all of my searching for someone different, I have only ever found one person with a heart like that. And even then, that situation is more complicated than any of the others I've mentioned. Though perhaps, she is more of a hope to me than anyone else.

With all of this, I've found a lot of solace in my hobbies, such as writing this blog. I will not allow myself to stop making myself a better person just because some others just don't care.

The Grass is Always Greener...

It seems that lately, a lot of the people whom I had known through high school and elsewhere, have begun leaving for faraway places like Florida and California. Of course, any person's first response is something to the degree of: "Who wouldn't want to move there?"

Anyways, I found it odd that I was a bit hurt by it. Some of these people I have known pretty well, so the disappointment in seeing them leave felt natural. But others, whom I didn't know very well, still invoked a similar response. It made me wonder... why do I feel like that?

I knew that I would encounter feelings like this after I left high school, but not about people I barely knew. I suppose it stems from that fact that I feel sorry to see them leave their home here. The other part seems to come from what might be jealousy at them for having an adventure while I'm still stuck at home.

Before I go any further with this, I should use a disclaimer here to inform everyone reading this that: I'm not missing that fact that everyone need to find a place in this world where they truly belong. I won't ever forget that, even though I might have already found mine, and it happened that it wasn't far from home.

With that said, the real story here can be found in the locations. I mean, c'mon... Florida? California? Obviously these places are being targeted because they are what I like to refer to as "greener" places. Everyone wants to live in either Florida or California at some point in their lives. There's a lot to love. The climate. The people. The lifestyle in general. So why shouldn't someone go there if they have the opportunity?

Now, I'm not necessarily saying that they shouldn't go. I'm just saying that the value of home and family shouldn't be undervalued. EVER. Everyone has ties to the place they are born and raised. No matter how much they dislike aspects of their lives prior to leaving, there is always something that they will dislike about where they go, and something about where they left that will call to them at some point. I'm not saying people shouldn't move to new places and explore new opportunities. I'm just saying that it should be a choice that is carefully thought through before being made. It shouldn't be something that is done on a whim, like what I have seen so many times.

There are plenty of reasons for this. I already mentioned that to most decent people, there are certain ties to the place where they grew up that exist, helping to keep them from leaving. These will obviously pull back at some point, and that is never good for a person's overall happiness.

There is also the issue of lifestyles. Everyone wants to engage in a new lifestyle at some point. The problem with moving to a new place far away that boasts the type of "party lifestyle" that Florida and California do, is that it grows old over time. If a person was meant for a lifestyle like that, they would have entered that lifestyle a long time ago. Not to mention, that fact that these lifestyles are often overblown. Both states that I mentioned have repuatations for being laid-back and easy when it comes to lifestyles. Add that to the party mentality that so many there have, and you have what many people see as the perfect lifestyle. But it is all way overblown.

The main problem is money. Much of what these lifestyles comprise of costs money. And that money still has to be earned somehow. That means the laid-back lifestyle... suddenly doesn't work so well. Also, for those who have gone away to these places to attend college, student debt is often a major factor. I'm not saying that money is everything; just that these lifestyles often cost a lot of money.

When it comes the the climate, there are often setbacks as well. Sure, Florida is nice because it is warm. But have these people ever endured a summer there? I've heard temperatures can average in the mid-90's, and will often go up to 105-110. Thats just what I've heard anyway. And you can't forget about the constant hurricanes. And California? While it has a much more mild climate, I don't think that does much the help the earthquake threat. I'm not going to say that these places don't have some wonderful advantages to their climates. What I am saying, is that one must also consider the disadvantages that the climates and locations have as well. These are things that are often overlooked.

In light of all that, I should also point out that, there are some people who really end up liking it where they go to. One of my friends that did this exact thing really seems to have found his place and really enjoys life there, even while working.

In the end, there are good things, and there are bad things about just about every place. Hopefully, some people start to realize that before they leave a place that does have everything they are looking for.