I was talking with a friend of mine today, and after trying to cheer me up for a bit, she said something that would spark a bit of a friendly debate between the two of us. She told me to wait and when a girl walked by that made my heart skip a beat, to go and talk to her.
Now, despite how obviously great that sounds, I decided that it wasn't something I could really do. Call me a wuss, or whatever you like, but it just isn't normal. I mean, lets face it... how many people just randomly talk to somebody like that? And I'm not counting bars and other "dating scenes" in this.
Yes, I'll admit. I probably have some deep-rooted self confidence issues that go along with this, including a fear of rejection and awkwardness. However, as the friendly debate continued, my friend mentioned something about how "all love stories begin that way!" To which, I asked: "Which ones?" Frankly, I don't know of a single (famous) love story that began that way. Sure, there might be some out there that I'm missing, but I can't say I remember a single one.
She referenced the love story in the relatively recent movie The Vow, but I have to admit that I remember no such part of the story, even though I did actually see the movie. Obviously, I was even more perplexed at her suggestion because of this. Do people actually meet that way? I was always under the impression that walking up to a completely random person and starting a conversation was a bit... obvious. I mean, what other reason would anybody have for talking to someone out of the blue like that?
Before you jump all over me for saying that, let me elaborate just a bit. As I was discussing this, I was thinking about how what I refer to as "fateful encounters" work. That is simply when two people meet because of a common denominator between the two of them. It can be as simple as two people taking a class together, or someone helping another person pick up something they dropped. Or it can be more complex than that. But in the end, it still involves two people meeting because of a common reason to talk to one another, or perhaps even get to know one another more. And no, for those of you with a dirty mind. This has nothing to do with anything sexual. AT ALL.
This is what I believed to be the most common method of meeting other people. Whether by accident or sheer coincidence, these meetings seem to have the most meaning to people. I guess it just seems to me like walking up to somebody and randomly starting a conversation without any reason other than trying to find someone to be in a relationship with seems a bit obvious, and rather desperate.
I'm not trying to say that I'm not desperate, but I simply refuse to show it. I will not make it obvious by any means, and will not use it as a motivator in any way. So, can you really claim that I'm desperate when it never shows, and I never do anything based upon it? Probably not.
More to the point, I've been convinced for a while that one of the main reasons I am still alone is that I don't seem to have many fateful encounters with people. It is like a curse or something. It just doesn't happen to me. And to me, that is a big issue. Like I mentioned before, I'm not the type to just walk up to somebody and start a conversation for no reason other than thinking the other person is attractive.
Whenever I mention this, I keep thinking about what I know as the "bar scene," which is considered by many as a major place to meet people. And it is kinda funny to me how most people meet others there. That is, by doing just what I just mentioned: walking up to somebody and striking up a conversation for almost no reason at all. For me however, this doesn't count.
As I've mentioned before, I'm not a "bar scene" type. I don't drink at all, and I can't help but believe that many of the people that one would meet at a bar or club would be people who are much more interested in alcohol than myself. Not to mention the fact that their boldness in these situations might be, at least in part, attributed to the alcohol. Like I said, that isn't my thing.
When the conversation I mentioned at the beginning of this post took place, I was at school. It seems like it might be a good place to meet people, if it weren't for the fact that most people there seem rather antisocial. I suppose that could be because they are there to learn, and not to socialize, but that is still a bit depressing. College is definitely a nice place, but that is one thing that I haven't really been able to figure out about it. Are college students only interested in being social at clubs and stuff? Or is there something that I'm missing? Anyways, for those that know me, I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes and considering telling me that the whole "antisocial" thing is because of where I go to school. And before you do so, just know that I will not listen. As much as you might like to believe that your school is better when it comes to stuff like this, I honestly don't care. Everybody wants to think like that, and I'm not going to debate something so pointless and off-topic like whose school is better. Lets face it, everyone wants to think their school is better than everywhere else, and I don't really want to hear it.
That said, I can't help but believe the antisocial aspect of it all might also be attributed to my overall invisibility. I know I've mentioned this in several of my previous blog posts, but when it comes to standing out of the crowd, I just seem to blend in. It can be both a gift and a curse in that I don't attract people who are in it just for looks. However, it also conceals me from those who are looking for more than that. The unfortunate part here is that, while I might not stand out visually, I know I would stand out if people were looking for someone with a good heart. However, people don't seem to be able to look any deeper than the surface these days, one of the things that really has me feeling more and more hopeless as time goes on.
Back to the whole "fateful encounters" thing, I still believe I am cursed or something. They just don't happen to me. And no matter what some people will say about how I shouldn't be so shy, I still think being more aggressive would paint the wrong picture to somebody else. I'm not the type of person to do something like that, so wouldn't that be a bit... off for me to do it all of a sudden? And it would probably seem that much more desperate as well.
From what I've seen, some of the best friendships and relationships are formed through these fateful encounters, rather than deliberate and forced meetings. To me, these just seem unnatural and forced. I know I would be rather skeptical if anybody walked up to me and randomly started a conversation with me.
In the meantime, I'll do what I always do. That is, sit back and observe as I usually do. And thank you to everyone for listening to this rather unorganized rant of mine.
