Alone for the Holidays

Ok, its the holidays, and I have been missing something important... such as a holiday-themed post. So, being Christmas Eve, it is only appropriate that this post has a holiday theme to it. I have actually been planning on posting about the holidays for a while now, but I have so far been unable to put those feelings about the holidays and Christmas into words. Anyways, hopefully my words now will be able to fully convey some of the feelings of the holidays.

Anyways, as the title suggests, I'm alone yet again for the holidays. Truthfully, I'm not entirely alone. I am incredibly thankful for my friends and family, who are there for me as always. But with that said, there is still a piece missing.

It has never been more difficult to be alone on the holidays. If anyone has ever listened to Christmas music, you probably know part of the story. It seems like all Christmas music mentions being in a relationship at some point. And that isn't even half of it. One can't go anywhere without seeing couples engaging in holiday activities and enjoying their "togetherness." I can't help but feel like the holidays, Christmas and New Years especially, have become couples holidays.

For all of you lonely hearts out there this Christmas, I feel your pain. I've been through it plenty of times. I usually spend much of the month leading up to Christmas and New Years bracing myself for yet another holiday season alone. It really does hurt to see all of those couples out there enjoying the holidays together. It hurts even more to not have someone special to buy presents for, or someone to cuddle with to keep warm. It is the small things like these that are often taken for granted by people who are constantly in a relationship, but at the same time, they are the things that many singles wish they could have. But then, it definitely isn't all about those. It is more about being able to share the holiday spirit with someone who loves you, whom you love in return.

That said, I felt something different this year. It was an odd sense of hope. It was brought upon by an interesting series of events, and a few things that I might be mistaken about. Nonetheless, it gives me a tiny bit of hope where I need it most. Perhaps I might find what I'm looking for after all.

Perhaps the magic of the holidays will be the spark that makes my dream come true?

Despite the fact that I have looked down upon the holidays when it comes to relationships, it might not take much to change my opinion. But who knows? My future, and the future of anyone who joins me in loneliness this holiday, has the potential to be quite bright.

And so, as I continue on to New Years, I will hold this new light closely. Maybe... just maybe... it might prove to be what I am looking for.

Blinding

It is kinda weird... all in one day, the lives of several people I know have been turned upside down. I've rediscovered people I once knew and have missed, and some I'd rather forget. And at the same time, several of those people that I have studied for a long time have had things go seriously wrong in their lives.

I'm sure my use of the word "studied" has many people scratching their heads. These just so happen to be the people that I might have mentioned in this blog before. I have used several of them as examples here, and I tend to keep them in the back of my mind when I'm writing posts like these.

It is interesting to note that I have also predicted a lot of these things. Not that I'm psychic or anything, just intuition.

Either way, the whole situation both excites and frustrates me. It kills me to admit that another person's suffering excites me at all, and it is definitely overshadowed by the further pain I feel because of people like these. If they would just wake up and see what life really has to offer... and that also means looking deeper. If one can only see the surface of things, it is much more likely that life will be able to find a way to bring one down.

It is difficult to explain my feelings regarding these people. Many of them, I have had feelings for in the past, and it is an interesting concept seeing them fail (primarily in other relationships). It just makes me think... could I have made a difference?

I tend to feel quite insignificant when it comes to these things... People don't notice me the same way they notice others for some reason. I'm not sure if it has to do with my personality, or perhaps my appearance. Either way, I know that none of them took the chance to look deeper. Because I know I have something more to give.

It is also kinda funny... many of them post quotes of sadness and desperation on Facebook and other places. It upsets me at a deeper level to see this because it makes me feel like I might have been able to make a difference after all. But as I mentioned before, for that to happen, they would have had to look deeper in the first place. Many of these quotes upset me more, because they seem to assume that the world is against them. The fact of the matter is, the world can't be against them because... I'm not. I never was, and don't plan on being so. And the fact of the matter was, I could have been the one to wipe away their tears. But instead, I'm the one wiping my own tears. All because they refused to look deeper.

At the same time, I'm forced to look to the future. They say that when one door shuts, another opens. I might have seen that door. And what is behind that door... is everything I could have ever imagined. The only problem is bridging the gap from here to there. And could it really be everything I'm looking for? Or would it simply be another letdown?

Those types of questions threaten to hold me back from finding something truly special. But I can only hope and believe that once something right finds me... it will all work itself out.

In the end, people seem to be blinded to what really matters. They overlook what they swear matters most to them. And in the end... it costs them dearly. Unfortunately, it costs everyone around them too. Simply because they might be blinded by what has happened, and refuse to accept true happiness when they have a shot at it. It is one of the many principles that inspired the creation of this blog and continues to inspire it today.

And so my search continues for one who has the ability to look deeper. Have I already found what I seek? Or is it just another dead end? I suppose I'll find out one way or another.

And with that... I can only write on. And hope somebody will listen.

Back to the Friend Zone

"He and I are close, but I wouldn't even think about dating him!"

These words have been uttered by so many girls I know. And while I usually observe such stuff from a distance, it has brought to the forefront in my mind recently, because I have been asked for advice by several people who have come to a similar point. I have posted about it in my blog before, but perhaps I should revisit this particular argument, especially since I have been thinking about it a lot lately.

For those who have read my previous post about the "friend zone," you already know whats coming. I have never believed that it should exist.

There are plenty of people who agree with me. There are far too many people who have been rejected because the other person claims they are too close to that person to risk a relationship. What? Did I hear that right? TOO CLOSE? Isn't that what relationships are about?

With that said, I'll get to some of the questions I was asked.

First off, one of the more recent occurrences involving someone I know closely was rather disturbing. She asked me what to do if a guy cried about not being able to spend much time with her. I (assuming she was talking about her boyfriend) told her to take that as a good sign that he was able to open up around her, and not to put it off as weak, the way she had been doing. I'm not sure if I would be able to open up that way to anybody, so anyone who is on the receiving end of a guy showing weakness like that should know that it is also a sign of significant trust.

It was then that she also decided to drop the bombshell. It wasn't her boyfriend she was talking about. It was instead a guy who had been her friend for a long time. She also mentioned that he had liked her for several years now.

Of course, I immediately told her not to simply write him off. She mentioned that she would never like him that way. And so, I was delved back into the realm of the friend zone, as I like to call it.

Prior to that, one of my friends asked me for some advice regarding guys. As usual, one of the biggest pieces of advice I always offer was first: Don't count anyone out. Always keep an open mind. She was accepting of this, and unlike many, actually understood what I was saying. But she also made an interesting point. She mentioned the fact that she had dated within the tight-knit group of friends, and had several relationships that had failed.

Both have an interesting story, and I will address them both in turn.

For the first one, I was a bit surprised at her lack of compassion for this poor guy that she had obviously ignored. Now granted, she also mentioned that she is currently in a new relationship and wants him to move on. That isn't what gets me about this situation, because I agree with it. What really gets me is the fact that she's been ignoring him for years based on the simple logic that: "He isn't my type and I would never consider dating him." To me, this is nothing but a bunch of flawed logic.

First off, that classification of people into "my type" and "not my type" categories is a touchy topic. There are plenty of times when it is warranted, and plenty where it is not. From what I know about the situation, this falls into the second category. While I'm not the right person to be making judgement calls about who is right for whom, I can certainly tell when someone is getting screwed over by the concept of the friend zone. And this is one of those cases.

It just bothers me that people are able to simply say "since he/she is a friend, they've already punched their ticket into the undatables category."

When it comes to the second case that has been in my mind lately, there is a lot more here. And I shouldn't say that she is wrong to be hesitant about continuing to date just friends. She has had some bad experiences with dating close friends in the past and both times resulted in at least partial loss of the friendship.

This is the entire reason that the friend zone exists in the first place. At least, from what I have seen and heard. It exists because people don't want to lose friends if a relationship goes south. Now, at first glance, that is perfectly logical reasoning. But then, if those people are that special to someone, shouldn't they be the first to be considered for a relationship? That irreplaceability is what fuels a strong relationship. As such, relationships with complete strangers are less likely to succeed in the long term because they aren't as irreplaceable as close friends are. Not to mention the fact that friends, especially close friends, know each other very well. There aren't going to be too many secrets or hidden personalities there.

I saw a post on Facebook

As I mentioned, these relationships are not foolproof. Just like any relationship, they could end. That said, I personally believe that they are stronger when friendship was involved first. And I have a couple of reasons for that.
1. There is more at stake, and therefore more reason to keep the relationship alive, even when it is in trouble.
2. Those involved know each other better than strangers or acquaintances do.
3. There is just something... special about friendships blossoming into relationships.

I know, that third one is a bit hazy, but I'm sure many people will agree... there is something special about a friendship catching fire and igniting into something even more.

And that doesn't even cover it all.

To me, the prospect of anyone getting left out because they are "just a friend" is infuriating. As I mentioned before, I always tell people to keep an open mind about relationships. If you start limiting your options by classifying people into categories, then everyone involved is being done a severe disfavor.

I'm not saying people shouldn't have a few people that they wouldn't want to be in a relationship with. I have some myself. What I'm saying instead, is that people should have good reasons why they would never want to date someone. "He/She's just a friend," and "He/She just isn't my type," are not good reasons. Instead, as always, I encourage everyone to look deeper. Why isn't that person your type? Why couldn't that friend become something more? If everyone were able to look deeper, I'm sure that they would see... there is no reason for the friend zone to even exist. Sure, it is taking a risk with a friendship that many don't want to lose. But if you don't take risks, then what do you hope to find? Does anyone really think that playing it safe with complete strangers is really going to yield a good chance of finding something special? Sure, the possibility is still there, but it is a bit more distant.

So how is the friend zone eliminated? As usual, it is much easier said than done. However, all one has to do is allow themselves to open their options up. Don't forfeit standards, but at the same time, allow yourself to evaluate people based on a lot more than their friendship status. Let it call come down to the other person's heart. Doing just that will open up many doors.

And so, to the second girl, all I can say is to keep your head up and don't let the past destroy your future.

Besides, a relationship with a friend has plenty of special flair to it. After all, "relationships are simply friendships caught on fire." There is much more to lose, but at the same time, there is much more reason to hold onto them. Doesn't that alone make them that much more special?

Double Injustice

So, I've been choked out of writing a lot lately. Its been a while since I got a chance to post on the blog. Finals are right around the corner at school, and work is crazy with the holiday season in full swing. I have no more excuses. Just enjoy this. And don't forget to take it to heart, as always.
Once again, I have found another controversy on Facebook. I know, much of what I write about is inspired by things that I read on that site. Either way, a place like that which brings together so many ideas from so many people is actually a really good source of inspiration.

Once again, I came across a "like" on Facebook that made me want to pull my hair out. It was entitled something like "Girls stay with jerks because they hope that someday they'll change." Sounds like a pretty noble statement, and perhaps steps on a lot of what I've been saying here in this blog. But wait just a darn minute! A lot like many things, ahem, this statement might appear to be a perfect and deep explanation at first glance. But give it another read, and think about it really hard. Like many things that look good on the surface, this one is actually not quite so noble underneath.
So, what am I going after here? I'm attacking something that might actually inspire the practice of staying with jerks, something that is a pet peeve of mine. Perhaps even more so, I'm going after a statement that encourages two separate injustices in relationships.
But what about that statement is bad? For those of you still wondering, think about it again. It is essentially encouraging people to stay in bad relationships because of who they hope the other person could become. Not because of who he/she really is. Now, this particular page is directed primarily toward girls, but can easily go both ways. After all, I have known guys to do the same. So what is wrong with this? I see it two ways, one from each side.

First, it is unfair to the person who holds out hope.
Granted, hope itself is never a bad thing. Basing a relationship on hope that someone will change is. The fact of the matter is, people don't change easily. Sure, it happens, but not that often. False hope is the easiest way to a broken heart. Especially when that hope rests on someone else changing.
It also robs that person of the ability to have a truly fulfilling relationship. It is hard to feel truly fulfilled in a relationship when you want the other person to become someone different. Sure, there will be people out there who claim they're perfectly content, and even overjoyed in a relationship with some jerk that they're holding out hope for. But the fact of the matter is, have these people felt what it is truly like to be in a REAL relationship where both people love one another for who they are? Okay, I haven't, so I'm not going to pretend I'm the expert. But still... if you only give it some deeper thought, I'm sure your heart will tell you the same thing.
That said, I won't disagree that overlooking flaws is a crucial part of a relationship. However, there is a line drawn there. There is an often hazy line between overlooking flaws... and flat out ignoring them. It is important to have values when it comes to a person's heart. Simple flaws like mistakes and bad habits can be lived with. However, flaws with the heart, such as outright disrespect for other people, are often overlooked, and really shouldn't be. Those are the types of flaws that ought to encourage others to stay away, not be drawn to the source like they usually are.

At the same time, it is perhaps even more unfair to the person who is expected to change.
Perhaps "expected" isn't the right word, but it seemed to fit. Either way, it is probably even more unfair to the other person.

First of all, just about anybody in a relationship, good or otherwise, will tell you that they expect one thing from a relationship: to be loved for who they are. How can one say that they love their partner in a relationship if they are secretly (or otherwise) holding out hope that the other will change. Sure, it is one thing to ask for another person to change things like lifestyle, habits, and some others. However, the limits shouldn't be pushed, and furthermore, asking or hoping that another will change who they are is like a slap in the face. And by "who they are," I'm talking about who they are at heart. I know that if I was in a relationship, and the other person asked me to change, for instance, the fact that I am shy. I would be pretty upset and put off by that. Not to mention that I would lose a bit of trust that the other person does actually love me for who I am. Now, being shy and being a jerk in some way, shape, or form are completely different things. But at the same time, they are parts of who any person is at heart.

Essentially, if you don't like them for who they are at the beginning, a relationship should be the farthest thing from your mind.

As I mentioned before, people have to choose to change on their own. A person who is asked to change usually only becomes more resistant to change. It is a decision which only ONE person can make. And it has to be a decision that said person approves of. Otherwise, it is only bound to fail.
And that brings me to another important point.

It is okay to hope that another person will change. But doing so during a relationship is unfair to both involved.

And I couldn't help but throw this in there but... it is also unfair to others. Okay, I might be taking it a bit far here, but thanks to what I've seen and experienced, I have to say something.

It is unfair to those others who would provide a more secure and stable relationship. What are they getting for their efforts? It seems a bit unfair that those who are truly good people are shunned, while those who would make a good match for them are too busy hoping that a bad person will change their ways to notice.

Even worse is when I hear people complain about it. I am always hearing (mostly girls) complaining about the flaws of guys like these. Especially in the aftermath of a particularly bad relationship, I catch these people wondering where all the good people are in the world. I hold my tongue, but at the same time, my head is screaming: "YOU MISSED 'EM ALL BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO BUSY WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO COME AROUND!"

Even worse are those people who go into a relationship intending to change someone. Once again, the prime culprits here are girls (hey, just from my point of view), who seem to take changing a bad boy as a challenge. And we all know who will lose in the end. I won't go any farther into this one, because based on what I have already said, I don't think this deserves any more explanation.
Once again, people can and do change. But it is rare. And at the same time, going into a relationship with someone you want to change is unfair to both people involved, and perhaps many more. All I am trying to get at here is the fact that far too many people enter into relationships without looking deeper, and understanding the difference between a good heart and a bad heart. But then, do any of us? All I can do is trust my heart to tell me what to look for and what to be careful of.

Giving Thanks

So here we are on Thanksgiving. I've realized, like most people do on Thanksgiving, that I obviously don't give thanks often enough for what I have. Instead, I tend to focus on the negative.

That seems to be especially prominent here in my blog. I have the tendency to focus on what I don't have.

That said, it is important to stop and mention the many things that I have to be thankful for.

Some of the more obvious ones such as health, food, shelter, and the like are always on the list. But, the more I think about it, the more I realize that my thankfulness should extend far beyond that.

I have a wonderful family; one that loves, supports, and cares for me. So often, I see people take this for granted. It is sad to see that, but at the same time, I can make sure I don't. And I'm happy to say that I am extremely close to my family.

And more recently, I've realized that I've been missing a very important part of that list.

Now, my friends have always been at the top of my "thankful" list. I don't think there are too many people who leave them out. But I have gotten to thinking a lot more lately about how my friends have really helped to shape the person I am today.

It truly starts back in grade school and junior high. My friends and I were the isolated group. We didn't have the connection to many of the bad things in the world that others did. To that end, we never had any interest in them to begin with. We were rarely judgemental of one another (though it did happen from time to time), and we didn't care much for a lot of drama.

I can't help but feel my upbringing with that particular group of friends followed me into high school, and had a hand in helping me get through unscathed by many of the temptations people encounter there. Now, I'm trying to say that I'm better than any other people. However, the lives of many fall apart after high school. And it all starts there. So, thanks to my friends, I made it through.

And even now, as my life continues, I am further bombarded by the many temptations this life has to offer. But thanks to what my friends have given me, I have some ground to stand on, even when I haven't yet found my light.

In essence, I could be a completely different person today if not for my friends. They gave me the tools to succeed in life, and I plan on using those tools.

That is why, this Thanksgiving, I am especially thankful for my friends. The ones that have stuck with me through all these years, despite what I may, or may not have done. These are what true friends are all about. And it looks to me like I have no shortage of them.

In light of that, I have so much to be thankful for. Despite what it might seem. And while my posts on the blog will probably return to their normal, somewhat dreary, outlook after this, I cannot forget to be grateful for what I DO have. And like many others, what I have is often much more than I realize at times.

My Beef With Twilight

Anyone who knows me, also knew that this one was coming eventually. I am glad I decided to wait. With the release of the newest installment of the Twilight series hitting theaters at midnight tonight, I decided it might be time for me to share exactly why I dislike Twilight so much.

Now, for those of you who don't know what the Twlight series is, well, never too late to learn I suppose. Twilight is a series of books written by Stephanie Meyer, about a girl who falls in love with a vampire. It has also recently been made into a movie series. Doesn't sound so bad right?

Now, I'm sure I'll receive the same response that I always do from Twilight fans and supporters: "You're just jealous!"

And, quite frankly, I'll be one of the first to admit, I am. Though that isn't the primary reason I hate Twilight. That will come later. So lets start the list shall we?

Reason #6: I am indeed, jealous.
- Ok, lets be honest about this one. Just about every guy who knows what the Twilight series is, and more importantly, how many girls like it, is jealous of the male characters in Twilight. They are created to be some of the most attractive guys a mind can imagine. Particularly Edward and Jacob. And while this one barely makes the list, I have to include it because it is true. Though you won't catch me admitting it a second time. The fact of the matter here is, these characters are IMAGINARY. And in that sense, a person can make them as appealing or unappealing as they deem necessary. That said, I could write a book about the most attractive girl I can imagine, adapt it to the big screen, get the most attractive actress to play her, and guys will be going crazy for my story in no time. In essence, Twilight has done just this to girls. So, while I am slightly jealous, it is all unrealistic anyway. That is a fact that far too many people need to realize. I have said it here time and time again... if you are willing to obsess over looks and give in to selfish bodily desires, then you cannot grasp the concept of true love. There are so many girls out there who obsess over the looks of Edward and Jacob, and in fact go to the movies just to see these guys take their shirts off. In the end, while it would indeed be nice to have looks like that, I am also able to realize what most others don't. A life like that is hollow, and devoid of true love. Because true love cannot be based on looks.

Reason #5: Twilight ruined vampires.
- Yes, this is indeed one of the most cliched arguments against the Twilight series. However, for those of you about to close the page because you aren't interested in hearing this all over again, notice that it is only NUMBER FIVE on my list. The best (and most original) reasons are yet to come. Anyways, I couldn't argue this point at all. Vampires were once the stars of horror films. Scary beyond all reason and possessing otherworldly powers, vampires were once actually quite terrifying. They also had certain weaknesses that made them possible to defeat, yet plenty of strengths that made defeating them difficult. And yes, here it comes... Last I checked, they couldn't go out in the sunlight. Nor did they sparkle when they did so. Nope. They melted. Yes, it is a highly cliched argument, but that doesn't make it any less valid. I mean, seriously... what happened to the real vampires? Last I checked, it was every person's worst nightmare to have a vampire show up on their windowsill. Not their greatest dream. Other than un-scarifying them, Twilight had a lot of other negative effects. Like I mentioned earlier, what happened to the sunlight thing? And what about garlic and stakes? As far as I've seen, the Twilight series fails to include any of this. Not only that, but it goes to absolutely ridiculous means to sidestep them, especially in the sunlight case. And, since when did all vampires become attractive teenagers? From what I can tell, the Twilight series has started a chain reaction that has transformed vampires for the worse. Call me old fashioned but... I liked it better when vampires were scary.

Reason #4: Its not about the Writer... its about the Fans.
- If I were like many other anti-twilight supporters, this is about where I would start ranting about Stephanie Meyer's horrible writing style. But I'll refrain. I recognize that no authors are exactly the same, and as such, each has their own writing style. Writing this blog now, I recognize that my own writing style is unique. And not everyone will like it. With that said, I'm not going to criticize the series over the writing style used to create it. I'm also not going to bash the fact that it is obviously one big fantasy dreamed up by Stephanie Meyer, in which, the main character, Bella, is actually symbolizing Stephanie herself. It is ok to enjoy a book or movie and become a fan of it. It is entirely different when one develops an obsession with it. The fact of the matter is, it is all IMAGINARY. So, take my word for it and don't let it rule your life.

Reason #3: Bella is always depressed.
- I can understand character originality. What I can't understand, is when a book/movie goes to such lengths to promote such a bleak outlook on life. The entire series begins with Bella moving to Forks, Washington. She is completely depressed by the idea, which was her own idea to begin with! Does that make any sense at all? Not only that, but when she does fall in love, the story makes no attempt to get brighter. In fact, she finds a way to look down on just about everything that happens. Even after he life should have turned around. As far as I'm concerned, people like this do actually exist. Not only that, but they still haven't figured out that life could be much worse. They could have cancer, or live every day barely knowing if they'll find another meal. They could have to live through the winter with only a box and a couple of newspapers for warmth. As far as I'm concerned, Bella is in none of these situations, and neither are most of the people who act like her. Compared to those, I don't think moving to Forks is such a bad thing. So if you think your life is bad, just remember... there is always someone out there who has it worse. And it would help if she actually smiled a bit. Just saying.

Reason #2: Bella rejects everyone and appreciates no one.
- Now we're starting to get really serious. And this is indeed the second biggest reason I dislike and disagree with the Twilight series. I think the title here says it all. But as usual, I'm going to go a bit more into depth. The first thing I'm talking about here, is the fact that Bella rejects some of the other guys vying to win her heart. Now, when anyone has multiple people who are interested in them, it can be a difficult situation. However, the fact that she rejects the ones that are actually willing to make an effort for the one that could really care less... now that makes my case right there. And I should be quick to point out that, I'm sure she did have reasons for pushing them away. But, from what I can tell, she should have had plenty of reasons to push Edward away too. So why didn't she? I mean, its not like he cared or anything. I have a couple of examples to go along with this, although it has been a long time since I read the first book, so bear with me. I recall that one of her friends took an interest in her, even going so far as to offer to carry her books for her and similar polite gestures. Yet, she simply wrote him off as annoying and silently hated him for trying too hard. This is actually similar to some real-life circumstances that I have covered in my blog before. For girls, it can often be about the thrill of the chase. This has been confirmed by dating experts (as little as that says), who say that a girl will often pursue a guy who cares less for her than others simply because it is more exciting to try and get a guy like that and keep him. I have already stated my opinion about that being just plain stupidity, and a course of action only taken by those who still have some growing up to do. But you see what I'm getting at there. Another example (just to make sure I'm not being unbiased): I also recall a school dance from the book, one that was supposed to be a "girls' choice" dance. A guy asked Bella whether or not she was going to ask him to said dance. Now, this, I can understand her disgust with. The unfortunate truth is, many guys are indeed arrogant like that, so her decision there, I can hardly argue with. Unfortunately, not all of the guys Bella meets are like that, and neither are all guys in real life. So I'm not letting her off the hook that easily. Aside from relationship issues, Bella also seems to hate everyone around her, with the exception of Edward. Whether that is her friends, her father, or just some random person she goes to school with, she always finds a way to hate other people. As you can guess, I don't exactly believe in this type of outlook. In my opinion, one should not hate other people unless given a really good reason to do so. Yet Bella can't seem to think positive when it comes to anything else either, so I suppose I should be surprised that she extends her terrible outlook on the world to people as well.

Reason #1: The love story is false.
- Everyone I have ever talked to that is a fan of the Twilight series always gives me the same argument: "The love story is amazing." I have to admit, when I was thinking about reading the book, I knew there was something out of place. When I finally did read it, my suspicions were confirmed. The love story is actually complete bogus. Not because it doesn't happen in real life, because, vampires aside, it does. The problem I have with it is that relationships formed the same way the relationship between Edward and Bella was, rarely ever represent true love. And what is this problem? If you haven't guessed it by now, perhaps you should read some of my older blog posts because... THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS BASED ON APPEARANCES. That's right. The relationship between Bella and Edward is based on nothing more than physical attributes and surface personality. For that reason, this makes number one on the list. And for those of you who want to argue, refer back to the first book, and all of those scenes where all Bella can do is stare at him and think about how gorgeous he looks. While everyone does this at some point in their lives, only the dumb and immature actually pursue a relationship based on it. And those that do usually end up in the gutter eventually. Granted, there are a LOT of people in the real word that do this. But as I said before, true love is not based on looks. And what about Edward? Well, he is doing it too, seeing as he only showed any interest in Bella to begin with simply because... she smells good. Hmmm... I don't know about you, but that seems like a really ridiculous way to judge a person. And for those of you who are still arguing that they did get to know each other before starting a relationship, give me a break. She barely knew him. At all. And in my opinion, that is a recipe for disaster in any relationship. A couple of other things should also be noted about their relationship. First, any guy who looks the way Bella describes Edward and Jacob would have a bunch of other girls crawling over each other to get a chance to date them. Therefore, Bella would probably draw the ire of a lot of other girls who wouldn't be too happy about the "outcast" getting him first. Instead, in the books and movies, they seem to care less. At least from what I've read. Second, any person with half a mind would know that someone who looks and acts like Edward does is probably nothing but trouble. Once again, while this same situation occurs very often in the real world, how could anybody paint a picture of true love when they know Edward reflects every aspect of a "bad boy," the likes of which I have pointed out in previous blog posts. The fact of the matter is, guys like that in real life rarely care about anyone. So for one of them to single out a girl and suddenly fall in love with her is completely preposterous. Possible, yes. Likely, no. And as such, I don't recommend falling in love with someone who doesn't have a good heart, and therefore reward them for not wanting to change for the better. True, everyone makes mistakes. However, to reward someone for continuing to make the same mistakes is the quickest way to lose sight of what is important.

In the end, I could go on and on about what I dislike about the Twilight series. I could probably go even further had I read past the first book. However, I found myself highly fed up with it, and therefore, I decided not to continue reading the series. Nor am I interested in seeing any of the movies.

The fact here is, it isn't so much what the story contains that bothers me. It is what the readers take away from the story. A book and movie series as popular as Twilight obviously influences a large number of people. And as such, the points I listed above, as well as many others, are perceived as truth by readers, whether they know it or not. Twilight continues to set the wrong standards on relationships in the minds of teens and young adults everywhere. So, in essence, I'm not slamming the story so much as those who are willing to believe that the picture of relationships that Twilight paints is completely accurate, and therefore, is something that they should model their own relationships after. And for those Twilight fans who disagree with me, be honest. I'm sure you have, at some point, considered your dream relationship to be just like that in Twilight. And as I have said, such a relationship can exist, but not the way it is portrayed in the books and movies. No, in order to find true love, one must be able to push aside the things that don't matter, such as looks, and get underneath all that to what really matters. The heart.

The Most Epic Wish Ever

I know it has been a few days since 11-11-11, and I would have posted earlier if I hadn't been so busy with school and work.

Anyways, I, like many others, chose to make a wish at both 11:11 times on that day. And I couldn't help but ask myself why.

First of all, what is a wish? I can be many things to many different people. To me, a wish is a deep desire that my heart has. One that I feel strongly enough that I'm willing to wish on a star, or a sunset, or in this case, a unique and symbolic date and time.

Of course, I often feel a bit childish for continuing to believe in wishes. But then, I began to think more about it. Obviously, making a wish such as I did on 11-11-11, I would have probably drawn the ridicule of certain people. Many would have others believe that wishes are childish and foolish. And that they have no effect on what happens in real life.

Either way, I'm not going to go around telling people that they do have an effect. I'm not really sure whether to believe they do or not. But I can't help but hold on to the childlike belief that they do indeed come true.

And even then, why wouldn't one want to keep that sort of childlike belief? While many people dismiss characteristics of children as largely un-adultlike, I can't help but disagree. Now, I'm not going to go around saying that acting like a child is not a bad thing. However, maintaining some childlike innocence is something that anyone and everyone should strive for. I mean, belief in such a small thing as wishes can give life a much deeper purpose.

I was encouraged even more by my friend's participation in my "wish ceremony," which really involved nothing more than writing a wish on a sheet of paper and burning it, in the hope that the smoke would carry the wishes skyward.

I had hoped to have come up with a bit more elaborate ceremony, but I suppose a lone wish alongside my best friend isn't such a bad thing either.
Even more encouraging was the aftermath. When I left my friend's house later in the evening, I had a chance to see a rare sight. The moon was ringed by a halo. You heard me right. When the conditions are just right, a ring of light will appear around the moon. I'm not going to ruin the moment by getting too scientific about it, but it was there. And it made me think... perhaps things might just be starting to turn in the right direction for me. Perhaps my ultimate wish will finally come true.

And what is that wish, you ask? Well, as always, I can't tell.

Love vs. COD

I thought I would write a special post to celebrate the release of the new Call of Duty game. Although, celebrate probably isn't an appropriate word.

No, I'm not going to bash the game. As far as I'm concerned, Call of Duty is a great game. I don't own it, though I have played it several times with friends. I guess the real question here is... What is this doing on a blog about the heart?

Well, has anyone ever been on Facebook? If you have (a bit of sarcasm there for ya), you've probably seen some of those groups that say, in some form or another, that guys should spend less time playing COD, and more time with their girlfriends.

I used to see them all the time. There has been a distinct lack of them lately, but I'm sure that they will make a strong comeback with the new game.

Either way, I've been thinking for a while about the implications of such groups. The way I see it, these groups are only half right.

First, lets give them credit. This is a legitimate topic. Lets be honest, there are a lot of guys out there who have, at some point, placed video games of some sort as a higher priority than the person they supposedly love. And, lets again be honest. This is a very despicable practice. I mean seriously? Putting a bunch of pretend achievements over something as real as love? Gimme a break.

I know how some games are. I've played my fair share of games, and many of them can get to the point where they are quite addicting. So, if anyone thought that I was trying to paint myself as perfect when it comes to this issue, there you go. I am happy to say, however, that I would never, and could never, put a video game before someone that I truly care about.

With that said, I mentioned another side to this argument.

This rarely seen side is at least partly to blame for the consequences of this supposed "epidemic" of ignorance.

The real question I have is... (posed to all girls with this type of complaint), if a guy is willing to place video games above you in priorities, then why are you falling for him in the first place? I mean seriously... at least fall for a guy who has his priorities straight.

Ok, I'm done ranting. But seriously... the real "epidemic" here is the obvious problem of people (not just girls) falling for those who aren't willing to make them a top priority. Now, I'm not going to say that it is easy to control who you fall for. I know from experience that this is usually out of anyone's control. However, I am saying that the heart can be persuaded to fall for someone or not. Perhaps I'll go more into depth on that at a later date. However, it is important to consider the other person's personality traits when deciding whether or not to allow yourself to fall for someone.

In the end, there are few inexcusable things in a relationship. And putting video games (or anything else imaginary) before a significant other is one of those.

In general, a significant other should be one of the top priorities of anyone in a relationship. The only exceptions to this rule are family, and if you're religious, God. Anything less, and one needs to seriously consider if the other person would actually be willing to put their all into a relationship. If not, then the relationship is most likely a waste of time. At some point, situations will always emerge that will test priorities in relationships. And while a boyfriend ignoring his girlfriend to play Call of Duty might not seem like a big deal, it really does reveal some major insight into a person's character, and helps to determine where his values lie.

Once again, I'll go to the other end of the spectrum.

That doesn't mean, however, that if a significant other ignores you once for some reason that their priorities are all messed up.

I'll give one of the most-heard examples among guys... the girlfriend who just HAS to have a serious conversation... in the middle of the ball game.

There are obviously two sides to this one, and the guys do have a good point here. The game is only on every so often, and why girls want to pick game time as the time to have important conversations is beyond us. The guys are obviously prioritizing the game at that moment, which is indeed wrong to do. However, the girls who pick game time as discussion time are also in the wrong. To me, it seems like mind games. I mean, why not choose the time when the guy is going to have priority issues? Or during the game that is only one once per week? True, it is wrong for anyone to prioritize something like television or video games over someone as important as a boyfriend or girlfriend. However, it is also wrong for the other person to attempt to draw out such weaknesses. In legal terms, this is referred to as entrapment. (See? A bit of legal trivia for you!)

Obviously, repeated poor prioritizing can signal a bad relationship. In the case of Call of Duty, this is often a repeated thing. The difference between the two types of bad prioritizing that makes video games much worse than the ball game is that... the video games will always be there to play. The ball game is only on once or twice a week. Granted, I'm not going to sit here and say one sin is worse than another but... when someone wants to take time out of their schedule to watch something on television once or twice a week, that is understandble. Someone who is consistently ignoring a significant other in order to get more kills on COD, is not.

In the end however, both sides remain at fault. So, for all the girls out there creating Facebook groups for the sole purpose of getting mad at thier boyfriends for choosing Call of Duty over them, just remember... you chose them in the first place. And there are plenty of guys out there that would be more then willing to devote everything to you. As I have said before, and will continue to say, you just have to look in the right places.

Faithfully... Or Not.

I'm sure many have heard the song "Faithfully," sung by the band Journey, and used at many events like weddings and dances to emphasise devotion between couples. However, recent events will make it difficult to listen to that song with a straight face ever again.
This is because one of the band members who performs it obviously doesn't believe it himself.
Yes, I'm referring to the recent scandal involving Journey guitarist Neal Schon and Michaele Salahi, both of whom were recently discovered to be engaged in an adulterous relationship.
I used to love that song, and many of Journey's other hits, but like I said... I don't think I'll ever be able to listen to "Faithfully" with a straight face ever again.
I've been wanting to address the issue of infidelity on the blog for quite some time, but never really got around to making a really good concept for a post on the subject. Last night, that all changed.

I was preparing to log off of my computer and go to bed, when I decided to read the headlines one more time. I returned to Yahoo! (my homepage), and the first headline I saw was entitled "Why I Cheated on My Husband." Obviously curious, I clicked on the link, and it sent me spiraling again into the incredibly sick world of cheaters and infidelity.

I say this because the article was practically an attempt to justify such infidelity.
Before I go any further, I should probably delve a bit deeper into the aspects of cheating, and my own personal views on it.

The first major question that arises is... what exactly is cheating?
It seems one of the major issues when it comes to infidelity is the fact that many people don't have a clear-cut definition for it. Sure, sex with another person while in a relationship is obviously cheating. But what about kissing? What about flirting? What about same-sex encounters? Excuse me if I'm getting a little graphic here, but all of these are issues that I've seen people have, and there doesn't seem to be any clear definition for cheating that clears or condones these actions.
So here's my take:
Cheating is any action performed by a person in a relationship, to another person, that would normally only be reserved for the significant other in said relationship.

Several months ago, I was studying up on cheating by reading post by real people who had been cheated on. It isn't fun, but the stories can be quite interesting, especially of the cheater expects to be taken back. Anyways, I read a story on a "men only" forum somewhere about a worried guy. Apparently, his girlfriend had participated in a rather aggressive makeout session with another girl. This poor guy was looking for help and had no idea whether he should consider it cheating and break up with her, or to let it go and act like it never happened.

Just about every one of the responses was sickening.

They gave him advice like, "Dude, what are you worried about? I can only WISH my girlfriend would do something like that! Next time make sure she brings her friend over and have them do it at your place!"

Now, being a guy, I can see the sexual appeal of such actions. But unlike many other guys, I can also see the bad side to it.

The fact of the matter is, by the definition I gave, this IS cheating. No matter how much of a sexual spin you put on it, the act of kissing is usually only reserved for a significant other, and therefore, the act of kissing another person (outside of short, friendly kisses for family) is cheating.

I feel bad for the guy, because he probably ended up following the advice he got, and will ultimately end up miserable because of it. But, he probably should have realized that he wasn't going to get the best advice when he decided to ask a bunch of sex-starved college jocks for relationship advice.

Another very common question I see on relationship advice boards: "My significant other cheated on me. However, he/she was drunk at the time and claims to have had no idea what he/she was doing. Should I accept this as an excuse and take him/her back?"

Lucky for the faint of heart, I wasn't a member of those particular discussion boards.

My answer to them would be something like this:
Frankly, cheating while drunk is no different than cheating while sober. The "drunk" excuse is nothing more than that. An excuse. When it comes right down to it, cheating while drunk is still cheating. This person still committed an act of infidelity. Of course, they might not have had as much control over their actions, however, this is still not an excuse. I say this for two reasons:
1. Alcohol only loosens a person up. It doesn't control their actions. This means that it only makes a person more eager to do something they were already thinking about doing anyway. Essentially, alcohol DOESN'T plant ideas. It only makes you MORE EAGER to participate in activities you were already thinking about doing anyways.
2. If you're in a relationship with someone who is willing to drink until the point that they will readily commit infidelity, then you're in a bad relationship to begin with and should break it off as soon as possible.

As you can see, alcohol is clearly no excuse. Those who drink are well aware of the side-effects, and should be self-conscious enough to know not to enter a situation like that where they might be tempted to cheat. If they are willing to take the risk that they might cheat just to get drunk, then they probably don't value the relationship as highly as they seem to.
That brings me to the next point.
THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR CHEATING!



The most predictable part is; when caught, the cheater either completely ignores the situation and leaves. Or he or she makes a huge number of excuses in order to justify his or her actions.

The real question I have is... what makes anyone think that cheating is ok under any circumstances?

The article that I mentioned reading earlier seemed like something off of Cheaters. It attempted to put a "silver lining" on infidelity. That was the real part that disgusted me. If it offered stories about how people cheated and deeply regretted it, I would have been perfectly ok with that. But instead, it emphasized A SILVER LINING in every story that was offered. Now, I'm a very positive person for the most part. But I also have a sense of justice (unlike whomever wrote that article). I also know that acts of infidelity cause serious pain for everyone involved; the only exception sometimes being the cheater and the person they cheated with.

But as I said before, there are absolutely no excuses for cheating. I'll list a few of the most common excuses for cheating, and debunk them as I go along.

1. "I don't really love you anymore."
- This is probably one of the most common excuses used by people who cheat. They fall out of love with the person they're in a relationship with and instead of doing the right thing and trying to get the relationship back on track, or at least breaking it off before chasing someone else, they turn to infidelity. I have one question for these people. If you aren't in love anymore, WHY ARE YOU STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP!? At the very least, you should try to salvage your relationship. And if that doesn't work, then break it off. Especially if you are even considering cheating. Don't keep another person tied to you like that while you run around behind their back.

2. "Our relationship was too boring."
- The real thing about this one is... If your relationship is becoming too boring, you should be ready to step up and help it along. That means, suggesting new and exciting things to do, places to visit, and others. The worst thing you can do is bottle this one up and hide it from the other person. Any relationship can be revived by doing new things, and visiting new places together. And if the other person doesn't want to do any of these things, then why are you still in a relationship with them!? Cheating can be exciting in its own way, but it is fun at someone else's expense. Spare them some hurt and split the pain with them by breaking it off before you're inclined to cheat just for fun.

3. "You aren't good enough in bed." or "He/She is so much better in bed."
- If sex is your biggest priority in a relationship, I have only one thing to say to you: GROW UP! There are so many aspects to a relationship that should be prioritized over sex. I have been advocating this kind of thing since I knew what a relationship was, and that isn't about to change. If you only value sex in a relationship, then you shouldn't even be considering anything serious. Make sure your values are clear to the other person before even getting into a relationship. And if you are the type of person that is willing to cheat because someone else is better at sex, then you need to have your heart broken a few times by someone who shares those values. I guarantee that those who value sex highest in a relationship are doomed to failure until they realize what is truly important. Ok, I'm done rambling. On to the next excuse!

4. "You are never there for me when I need you."
- This one can mean many different things. Perhaps the person that is being addressed here has a tough job and is never physically around. Or perhaps he/she is around physically, but never wants to be there for their significant other. Whatever the case, this is still no excuse. If you need the other person to be there for you more than they are, make sure to talk it through with them. If you can't come to an agreement, break it off before even considering infidelity. Plain and simple.

5. "I thought you would change."
- This is another one that really eats at me personally, and is especially prominent amongst females. The fact of the matter is, one should never go into a relationship assuming they can change someone, or that someone will change over time. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but assuming that it will is an easy way to get your heart broken. A majority of people don't change, and in fact, will resent any attempt to change them. So, in summary, don't assume you can change someone. If they require changing to live up to your expectations, don't even consider a relationship with them in the first place.

6. "I don't know why I did it, it was just so sudden, I have issues, it's not you, its me, etc...."
- These are what I refer to as the "Its my fault excuses." And granted, these are better than the previous excuses for the simple reason that the cheater is admitting blame instead of dumping it on someone else. But they are still just that. Excuses. Any person who uses these excuses still doesn't deserve to be in a relationship. Neither does anyone who cheats. No matter what the reason, cheating is cheating. And no matter what happens, someone gets hurt.

7. "We were just friends."
- Ah yes, the "just friends" excuse. This one is used more and more, especially when the cheater suspects there is no evidence against them. They say that the person they cheated with is just a friend. The fact of the matter is, by the definition I gave earlier, if you commit an act towards another person that you normally reserve only for your significant other, then you are cheating. Therefore, it does not matter what the person you cheated with is to you. If you cheated, you cheated. And as I have been saying this whole time... THERE ARE NO EXCUSES.


Besides the few that I listed and debunked, there are countless more excuses people use to justify cheating. However, they all follow the same pattern: none of them actually justify infidelity at all.

After going back through my list, several things jumped out at me that really stand out in making cheating impossible to justify.
First, if you are unhappy in a relationship, talk it over.
Second, if step one doesn't solve anything, it might be time to break it off.

If you are miserable in a relationship, don't hide it, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! If you instead turn to infidelity and dishonesty to make the relationship better, you are hurting everyone around you, not to mention yourself. It is also a good idea to try and avoid situations where you might be tempted to cheat. Common sense right?

I can't forget about those who cheat and hide it. Quite frankly, I can't respect those people either. First of all, you can't bottle something like that up forever. The longer you keep it hidden, the more guilt eats at you. And while it might ruin your relationship, the other person deserves to know. Otherwise, your relationship is suddenly based on secrets and lies. It is understandable why some people hide it, often to protect their significant others from heartbreak. But as I said, this will quickly become unbearable for the one holding it in. And it isn't fair to the other person that you keep it secret. If you've done something terrible, you need to come clean and admit it. Then they'll be able to decide what is best for them, instead of you deciding for them.

Any way you paint it, cheating is by far the worst sin you can commit while in a relationship.

But what about taking back a cheater?

I talked a little about it earlier, but wasn't able to go into much detail. What if you're in a relationship, and your significant other cheats... then wants to be taken back?

This is one of the toughest questions to ask.

Many people say, no, one should never take back a cheater. I'm sure we've all heard the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater."

Many others say, yes, if you truly love that person to begin with, you'll be willing to admit they made a mistake and give them a second chance.

As for me, I'm probably one of the "one strike: you're out!" types. I say this because all relationships are based upon trust. When that trust is shattered, like glass, it can be put back together. But it will never be the same, always filled with rifts and cracks. Once that trust is broken, a relationship will never feel the same.

I can make a few arguments for taking cheaters back as well, but they don't hold as much sway as what I just said. Either way, whether or not a heartbroken person should take back a cheater often depends on the person. And besides that, if the cheater wants to be taken back, they should not only be fully sorry for what happened, but should also be practically willing to beg you to take them back. If not, then they probably don't care as much and should be left to their own devices. They should also be willing to cut all contact with the person they cheated with, WITHOUT QUESTION. Unfortunately, this process involves setting ultimatums, which never help any situation. Which is another reason why I usually encourage people to cut their losses and end the relationship right there. Counseling is always an option, but I'm of the opinion that, if one person cheated, THEY should be the ones in counseling. Not both of you. Because, no matter how much the cheater may try to paint it as the fault of both, the fact of the matter is, the only fault belongs to the cheater.

Going back to the article I mentioned at the beginning, I also don't believe in happy endings for cheaters.
The article includes a story about a woman. She was married with two kids, but felt like she didn't fit in her marriage. Then, she met a man from Australia. The two became good friends, but he had to go back to his home country. She eventually decided to go and visit him there in order to "get him out of her system," but instead fell in love. The article then claims that she is now happily married to the Australian man, and feels like she fits in perfectly.

Any first reactions? Mine was nausea. Then anger. Then downright disgust for any cheater who claims to have a happy ending. The fact of the matter is, in order for a cheater to have a happy ending, they often have to leave a path of destruction in their wake. Didn't I mention the article said she had TWO KIDS!? While trying to paint that story in a positive light, the article failed to mention what happened to her husband and two poor kids she deserted so she could be happy. Do I need to mention the selfishness here? She essentially destroyed her family so she could run off with some bimbo from Australia.

And besides that point, can a cheater ever really be happy? They might claim to be in the perfect relationship, but in my opinion, no relationship forged by infidelity can ever be perfect. In the back of the cheater's mind and heart, the guilt will always be there. They might try to justify it to themselves, but that shard of guilt will always be there, wearing away at them. And the person they cheated with? He or she might claim that the person they are with is perfect, but in the back of their minds and hearts, they will always be slightly suspicious. After all... if a person has cheated once, what is stopping them from doing it again?

The same goes for Neal Schon and Michaele Salahi. No matter how much they claim to be perfect for one another, there will always be the shadow of infidelity lingering there. This shadow, forged by the adulterous ways in which their relationship was created, will never truly leave. Nor will the scars that are created within the heart by infidelity.

The article also tries to argue that infidelity often causes people to become more open in a relationship; that it causes them to become more able to get what they want from a relationship, and ultimately makes them more happy. I couldn't disagree more. Sure, it might indeed help people to open up a bit more, and attempt to get more out of a relationship. But at what cost? Nothing is worth the betrayal and deception that go along with committing the ultimate relationship sin.

In the end, there are no silver linings to infidelity. Only hatred, pain, and broken hearts.

Back to Basics

Well, its been some time, but here I am, coming back to the ol' blog to pour out my feelings.

Anyways, the main reason I haven't been writing in my blog lately is because I am working on two potential books right now. These are my first major writing works, so I'm putting every urge I have to write toward those. They are still in the works though, as one of them is only three chapters in, and the other is only in concept design at the moment.

But it still can't keep my feelings at bay.

For a while I believed that writing these works would numb the pain I feel at still being alone. However, it hasn't done much so far. It seems that, since I can't always write about exactly what I'm feeling, I'm unable to let those feelings out completely, leaving them trapped and bottled up. I've turned to Facebook to vent some of these feelings, but it still hasn't taken away the pain. Especially when it seems nobody cares.

Anyways, my feelings are exactly what I always talk about. The pain of being alone is almost unbearable when coupled with the realization that this world has its values turned inside out. Literally.

One of the biggest themes I notice is the constant ebb and flow of relationships. It never ceases to make me jealous when some girl enters a relationship, because I always think, "I could be so much better..." It seems really selfish and terrible to think that, but the way some guys act, it wouldn't surprise me if I could easily outdo them in a relationship. That is, IF anyone would even stop to get to know me.

It seems, in this ever judgemental world that I get written off all the time. It feels horrible because I know... I would never do some of the horrible things you hear about guys doing in relationships. Cheating, lying, not caring, etc... None of it would be an issue with me. Sure, I probably have my faults, just like everyone else, but I can't help but wonder what most girls would think if they actually saw me for who I am deep down.

Aside from that, I'm also finding girls very hard to trust these days. It seems like they have a tendency to split personalities. The person you know is probably very different from the person their closer friends, significant others, and family knows. Sure, I've probably been putting a little too much confidence in rumors as well, seeing as a lot of what I hear comes in the form of gossip. Though, if even half of it were true, I'm sure many people would be shocked.

Take for instance this example about a girl I work with:

The girl I know: She is an absolutely amazing person. Kind, caring, and sensitive, she always manages to put a smile on my face. You might even go so far to say I have a bit of a crush on her, but lately, I'm not really sure about anything anymore. She's gone and gotten into a relationship that seems quite sudden, and in my opinion, based on appearances and surface personality (one of my biggest pet peeves). Despite this, she has always had an amazing conscience. She always seems to have the right idea about things like smoking, alcohol, sex, and many other things that I consider to be harmful behaviors. She has the same values as I do when it comes to those things.

What a friend told me: The relationship I mentioned earlier prioritizes frequent and aggressive sex. She hangs out around deadbeats, and while she doesn't directly participate in many of the harmful behaviors mentioned earlier, she definitely does not condone them either.

Now, I'm not saying I should just believe blind gossip. That is the quickest path to missing some of the most important people in your life. But it is quite hard to prove any of this wrong, especially since I only know this girl from work. I know little of her outside life. Not only that, but the person I talked to knows her "boyfriend" pretty well, therefore making it easier to validate his story.

Now granted, what she does in her own time is her business, I suppose. But like what has happened before, she was once a source of inspiration for me; an inspiration that helped me to believe that not everyone in this world has a cold heart. I would find it hard to associate myself with her any longer knowing I had been proved wrong about her on yet another occasion. Yes, unfortunately, this is not the first time I have been wrong about her.

Therefore, I'm finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that I may have lost a friend. Now, please don't misunderstand... I would never want to desert a friend because I'm being judgemental. However, I find it difficult to continue a friendship with someone who embodies the very reasons I'm still alone.

Anyways, with that off of my chest...

I plan on doing a lot more writing in the coming weeks. My sadness has reached another peak, and as much as I try to hide it, it is beginning to become noticeable. I need a place to pour out my emotions, and that was the very reason for which this blog was created.

I'm also probably going to branch out a bit to take a look at topics related to, but not directly of, the heart. I'm going to try out some new formats, do some lists, and of course... criticize pop culture. Hopefully you'll enjoy the ride as much as I do (which hopefully is a lot, because I need something to cheer me up).

Lessons Learned?

So, I was on Facebook for a bit today, and I noticed several posts that struck me as a bit odd. In fact, over the past several days, I've seen a few posts much like these. They were different because they were about relationships (or the lack thereof), posted by girls, and actually quite correct.

It is not surprising to find posts about relationships on Facebook. I see several per day. However, these posts were different in that they were about several things I have been preaching since I started this blog. One of them mentioned the problem that many girls have about not being able to see a guy for who he is deeper down. Another mentioned how she needed to find someone who is actually willing to put her first. Not often I see several of these admissions in one day.

The other part that gets me is that... they were posted by girls. Granted, girls probably post more about relationships than guys do. However, I rarely see them admit truths like the ones I have seen recently. Usually, they are about how perfect the jerk that she is dating is. Perfect? Hardly.

Yeah, I'm taking a few more digs at girls and relationships. Most people see it that girls are experts when it comes to love, and all guys are jerks, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Sure, many guys ARE jerks. The problem is that those are the guys that the girls are usually in love with. Whose fault is that one? Either way, girls are no better at relationships than guys are.

When it comes right down to it, these are only Facebook posts. Whether or not the poster actually learned anything from them is another story in itself. As much as I hate to say it, they were probably just posting that stuff to make themselves feel better about a recently failed relationship or crush. When all is said and done, they will probably be right back to their old (and wrong) ways soon enough. But I can only hold out hope.

Hope... that one of them actually meant what was posted.

Obsession

Kind of an odd title, but I think I'll go with it.

Lately, I've taken a closer look at my own actions. What I am seeing surprises me. From what I can tell, my search for someone who is different then all the rest (someone who has the ability to love me for who I am) has taken over a lot of who I am. I am constantly thinking about it, and it has gotten to the point where it seems to dominate my every action.

The real question is... is this good or bad?

Some might say I'm overreacting. I'm not so sure though... Whenever I'm about to go somewhere, I find myself thinking about: Who might I meet there? And when I get there, my eyes dart from person to person, observing what I can about people around me. It is a never ceasing cycle, so it would seem. And it only makes me that much more conscious about my aloneness.

Most recently, I went with my family to an amusement park. I should have been prepared for the large number of couples there, seeing as amusement parks are prime date destinations. But I was blissfully unaware until we got there, and I began to observe my surroundings. I couldn't get my mind off of it the whole time we were there... How wonderful it would be to have someone you could do stuff like that with... It is definitely one of the most taken-for-granted things in this world.

Anyways, you might call this whole thing an obsession, hence the title. But is it bad or good? And is there really any reason for it when I probably have little chance of finding what I'm looking for?

I'm probably overthinking this, but I can't help but ask myself all of these questions. And as I mentioned before, this whole thing is overshadowed by a sense of dread. A sense that I might not find what I'm devoting so much of my time and effort searching for.

Final Option

Yeah, I know... been far too long.

Anyways, I have kept myself busy writing elsewhere. I have been working on several story templates. In case you don't know me that well, I plan on writing several books eventually. Perhaps even more than just a few. Each of them will derive directly from my thoughts and feelings.

Obviously, there is still much work to be done. And besides that, I am driven onwards by some more recently aquired disdain for the way the world percieves and views relationships. As my own loneliness deepens, my outlook on the world darkens. And so does my drive to prove to everyone that they were wrong in overlooking me. That is my inspiration. To create worlds and stories that will change the way people think, perhaps preventing others from suffering the same fate that I have been condemned to.

And what fate is that, might you ask? The fate of forgottenness. The fate of being left behind my so many who wouldn't bother to look deeper. And worse, left behind by those who looked deeper... yet wouldn't place the correct value on what lay beneath.

So now, I must climb to the top. No matter what it takes. If only to prevent other good hearts from suffering my fate. And the only way to do so is by accomplishing a feat that nobody can ignore. For me, I'm thinking that feat should be to write something so impressive that it will sink into peoples' very hearts.

Either way, my journey to gain recognition has just begun...

Staples

So, its been over a month and a half since I have posted in the blog huh... I feel kinda bad about it, but you know what they say about writers. They need inspiration. I suppose I shouldn't go so far as to call myself a true writer yet, but the same rules still apply. I just haven't had any inspiration lately. I have tried several times to start a good post, each of them unsuccessful. This time, I think I might have my inspiration.

Anyways, I was hanging out with several of my friends tonight, and eventually, we got to watching TV. If anyone has ever watched anything on ABC Family, you know how it all goes. Anyways, I made several snide remarks about the total stupidity when it comes to relationships being displayed in these shows. I as then asked why I am always such a hater.

While they do have a point, I have one as well. I will readily admit, I was probably being too much of a hater for my own good. However, when it comes to love, these shows and movies don't have a clue. Since most of them follow the girl, I'll go from that point of view.

First, the male love interest is always portrayed as amazing looking.
The Problem: It gives a false impression of what girls should look for in a guy. Honestly? Do you really think that every guy worth dating is going to look like what they do on TV? Those people just happen to be PAID ACTORS. They don't get paid money to act while looking like a normal person, they get paid to act and look like someone EXTRAORDINARY. Thus, it gives a very misleading impression of what a girl's true love "should" look like. I'm not saying we have to remove all good looking actors from television screens everywhere. I only wish people wouldn't run their lives based off of what they saw on TV.

Second, the girl always falls for the guy based on his looks.
The Problem: You might think to argue this, but it is actually very true. Keep a close ear out, and you'll hear plenty about how cute or hot this particular guy is. The main character will usually say this at least a few times. Granted, we are all human beings, and we're hardwired to think about looks first. However, when it comes time to actually consider a relationship, there is a lot more that needs to be taken into consideration. The problem is, so many people (not just girls) are willing to jump into a relationship based on looks alone. And more often, people are overlooked because they don't quite stand out when it comes to looks. This particular element that seems to always be included in these shows only adds fuel to the fire by making it look normal to base a relationship solely on looks.

I also can't forget... Said "good looking" love interest turns out to be an absolutely wonderful person at heart.
The Problem: Good looks and an amazing heart is a rare combination. Are there some good looking people with good hearts out there? Yes. Are they as common as movies and TV shows say? Nope. I'm not trying to shatter anyone's hopes out there, but... many people with good looks are often quite full of themselves. Why? Because they can afford to be. Since they could have just about any one of the many people who are obviously attracted to them, why should they bother to but forth any effort in a relationship? It is a disaster waiting to happen to anyone willing to fall into this all too common trap.

It all just makes me sick. The really unfortunate part... is that society mirrors what they see in these movies and shows. Relationships are made and unmade based entirely on looks and what I refer to as "surface personality." The problem is that these never last, leaving the person who was truly looking for a committed relationship wondering if there are really any good people out there. Even worse, the answer is probably right under their nose if they would bother to look.

A New Light

After the negative focus of several previous entries I have written, it is interesting for me to see the longevity of hope become quite plain. I have seen it emerge again in me recently.

That's right. I have found a new light. I'm sure many are scratching their heads and wondering exactly what I mean by that, but if you think about it for a second, it really isn't that hard to understand. It means, I think I might have found someone who might be able to bring back my hope.

It is, for the moment, just a small crush; a feeling not unfamiliar to me. However, it is a feeling I have been devoid of for far too long; a feeling I realize I have missed like an old friend. I find myself wanting to go out of my way just to see and talk to her. I am constantly looking for ways to secretly give her a gift, even if she doesn't know it was me.

She might just be the one who can restore my hope. Obviously, it is far from certain. I have just begun to get to know her, so I can't say any of this with a degree of certainty. In any case, I can tell the possibility is there, and I can't wait to find out more about her, and more importantly, what kind of heart she has.

As I mentioned in my last entry, she is with a group of people who I figured would be the last to notice. Instead they have been one of the first. She does indeed notice me, and seems to do so for decent reasons. I know that one of the first things she noticed about me was my smile. It is what she first noticed, and continues to notice. To me, my smile is representative of my generally kind nature. Hopefully, she has a similar meaning in mind.

As always, I am uncertain about how to proceed. Several of my friends have recommended that I "just go for it." Whatever that means... Despite what everyone says, I think I'm going to stick to the path that best suits me. I'm going to get to know her better before I get in over my head. It reflects one of my biggest quarrels with modern relationships. Everything is way too rushed. Taking time to discover your options and get to know somebody is never a bad thing; at least, in my opinion. In that light, I think I'm going to do what I always do and bide my time. If it is right... it will be. That is all that matters.

Contrary to My Own Beliefs

I have a lot of catching up to do. Especially since I decided to let this blog get outdated by several months.

Anyways, over the past few months, something interesting has happened that really caught my attention. A certain group of people whom I would normally ignore has started to notice me. I have no clue as to why, but they seem to enjoy making friends with me.

Who are these people? Though I can't confirm all of my suspicions about them, I know they participate in several activities that I normally look down upon. Those would include smoking, drinking, partying... etc.

Anyone noticing the irony? I typically condemn these types for poor decisions, but out of everyone else, they seem to notice me the most. I suppose I need to be a lot less judgemental of people who have made a few bad choices, because it seems that many of the people whom I normally wish would notice me are too stuck up or too blind to do so.

So what should I do? I could certainly ignore, or attempt to avoid the extra attention. But that would also go against one of my most recent realized beliefs. I should never judge anyone without giving them a chance. This is common knowledge; however, it is amazing how many people are judgemental about others without even getting to know them at all.

In the end, I have to admit... they seem like wonderful people despite everything. And I am going to accept their friendship with open arms. Still, I will hold true to my own morals and ideals, no matter how much I am tempted to do otherwise.

Fighting Back

I have made mention several times to these particular girls that have proven to me that they are all the same. I talk about them in virtually every post I make these days; and this one is no exception.

I finally got my chance to speak my mind to both of them.

The first one has routine contact with me via Internet and text messaging, however, I rarely see her face to face. So, she was talking with me about new ways to win this guy she likes (for absolutely no good reasons I should add) and I finally snapped. I told her that I had disagreed with her pursuit of this guy, over nothing but a photo, from the beginning.
For starters, she was only focused on looks. How could I let that go forever without getting my word in on that? Anyone who has read any of my previous posts knows that I detest it when ANYONE makes judgements about someone based on looks alone. It is one of my biggest pet peeves.
Also, she had already made some serious mistakes (which I won't mention in light of the fact that it would ruin some of her dignity) that had destroyed most of her chances. Why would I let her continue on?
So, I got my word in. I told her that if she ever wanted to be truly happy, she needed to let go. She agreed at first, but as I've found to be typical with her, she began to let her thoughts drift back to him. By the end of our conversation, she was already back to talking about how to get him to like her again. I really should have seen that coming.

The other girl, whom I have much more face-to-face interaction with, had placed herself in a situation that I could barely comprehend. That is, I could barely comprehend the stupidity of it all. She had broken up with her jerk of a boyfriend. To say that the breakup was messy wouldn't even describe the tip of the iceberg. He had even threatened her with a weapon at one point. Not to mention the fact that he is your typical "bad boy." (See earlier entries for reference.) So, what does she do once the two of them are apart? Much to my dismay, she goes out and finds herself a guy who is even WORSE than the previous one. Needless to say, this relationship didn't last long. However, it is what she did next that truly crushed my confidence in girls to make the right choices. She "realized" that she was still in love with her ex... and promptly chased him down and got back together with him.
Obviously, I had several MAJOR problems with this.
1. The guy is a complete ass and deserved to be alone the rest of his life.
2. She is an amazing girl and deserves soooo much better.
3. He threatened her WITH A WEAPON!!!
4. This goes against everything I know to be true about love.
5. Now he knows he can get away with anything he wants and she will always come running back.
6. HE THREATENED HER WITH A WEAPON!!!
7. I truly care about her and hate to see her upset when he treats her like dirt.
8. In that same light, I hate to see her throwing away any chance to see her love returned in kind.
9. Um, did I mention he THREATENED HER WITH A WEAPON!?

So, I have been bottling up my resentment toward this entire situation for several months now. I couldn't bring myself to say anything to her about it, because doing so would require me to tell her just how stupid she was for doing what she did.
Anyways, my chance finally came when a good friend of mine (and of hers) called her out when she was complaining about her loser of a boyfriend. He started in on the subject, and I couldn't resist driving the point home. We talked for a minute or two about it. Every time she would attempt to defend him and her actions, my friend and I simply demolished her argument. Eventually, I could tell she felt backed into a corner, because she simply walked away, hopped into her car, and drove off without another word.
Makes me look a bit like a villain doesn't it? I thought so too, however, I also realized that the point had to be made eventually. And the only way to do it was to tell her straight up. (I had made hints at the stupidity of her decisions before, only to have them fly right over her head.) Anyways, I am still receiving the silent treatment, and I believe my friend is receiving the same. Despite it all, I am glad I finally had a chance to get that off my chest. And even if it destroys our friendship, I'd be willing to give that up just to make sure my point gets to her... So that she doesn't miss out on the most wonderful thing this life has to offer.

And as for the first girl I mentioned, she is still blindly chasing him for no reason I can comprehend. She tries to avoid talking to him, but fails miserably every time. Apparently, the point I made about liking him for all the wrong reasons was lost somewhere along the way.

The sad thing about both of these cases is that there is only one thing that might truly be able to make these girls come to their senses. And that... is getting hurt. The only thing that might knock some sense into them is for them to be hurt. Not physically, but by having their hearts broken. Perhaps that is the only way any girl will learn from her mistakes...

Dark Cloud

Yeah, I know... it isn't my favorite title for a blog post. But you know, it accurately describes my feelings at the moment. Just when I thought I would be getting back to my old self... it ends up coming back to bite me. And once again, I can't get the thought of unfairness out of my mind.

I suppose it began with reading all those weird "likes" on Facebook this morning. Kinda and odd habit of mine, I like to page through some of the common "likes" to see if any match my thoughts/feelings. Anyways, one in particular caught my attention. It was entitled: "Not all guys want sex, because some of us want a relationship. Not all guys like Black Ops, because loving you is more fun. Not all men will hurt you, because some men are decent people. Not all men will abuse you, because some men like to see you smile. However, all those guys are gay." I remember my excitement as I read the first lines of that title. I was thinking: "YES! Somebody finally gets it!" But then I read that last sentence...

Nothing like a mood breaker to start your morning eh?

I suppose the truth is still out of reach. The problem I have here is... *I* would be like that in a relationship. I don't want sex, I'm interested in a relationship. I don't even play Black Ops, so loving someone would definitely be more fun. I wouldn't ever hurt anyone in a relationship, because, believe it or not, I'm a pretty decent person. And I would never abuse anyone, because I would enjoy the smile of the one I loved. BUT I'M NOT GAY! In fact, I'm the least gay person many people will ever meet.

That is why that hurts me so much to see something like that. Because people actually believe it. Only a little over six thousand people. But still... that's a lot of people to believe in a lie as ridiculous as that. Probably more coming. I wish the truth was tangible enough to throw in the faces of all those people who clicked the like button on that post.

Of course, I can't end on that. I'm going to do my best to throw in in their faces whether they know it or not.

So, to the girl who wrote that ridiculous "like:"

You ever wonder WHY those guys are gay? That's right. Because you took until NOW to notice them. They wanted someone to love, but you were too busy chasing all the jerks. Now that you DO notice them, its too late to turn back. So, whatever hopelessness you're feeling right now is your own fault, because you had your chance.

That's pretty good... in fact, I might actually make this into a "like" on Facebook just to see how many likes it gets. Now, remember one thing: I have never been and never will be gay. To me, it is one of the most repulsive things on the planet. But when I look at it from the viewpoint of that previous paragraph, I begin to feel sorry for those who might actually relate to that. Sorry, because I know the feeling.

Unfortunately, that particular post began a chain of thought that happened to ruin a good portion of my day, because I can't get the unfairness of it all out of my head. Here I am, the type of guy that most girls SAY they are looking for... And yet I'm more alone than ever before. But hey, I know the truth now. They're all the same.

Pride or Prejudice?

Haven't had much time to write new posts lately. I should probably add an update concerning previous posts. I HAVE begun to feel like my old self again, though I still hold the same reservations about love that I mentioned before. And, most importantly, I'm still waiting for someone to break that mold that all girls have impressed on me. That mold that seems to be the same for each and every one of them.

Another interesting tidbit that I thought it might be interesting to share. One of the girls I mentioned as being the crucial elements in my current judgement said something interesting to me just the other day. She told me that she thought all guys were the same. I had to laugh. Mostly because she knows me well enough to realize that I'M certainly not like the rest. Ok, I'm not trying to brag or anything by saying that. Just pointing out something I have realized about myself over the years. I don't look for the things that other guys do (looks, outgoing personalities, etc.) and instead, I try to look inside. That hasn't been working out so well for me lately, but hey... Why should I let it force me to become "normal?" Anyways, I had to point out her mistake. It was impossible to resist. I figure she didn't recognize that particular mistake because I've already been pushed off to the friend zone. Again. I didn't exactly develop a deep connection with her, but I've always sensed the potential was there. That is, if she ever bothers to notice just how much we have in common. Anyways, I haven't gotten my hopes up.

So, by now, you're probably wondering what the title has to do with anything you just read. That's because it has absolutely nothing to do with any of that. I'm just now getting on topic. Terrible, I know.

There is a bit of a story that goes along with this, so bear with me.

I was eating dinner tonight (or yesterday, if you are paranoid about detail) and somehow, my mother and sister got on an interesting topic. They began talking about how they had someone they wanted to "hook me up with." It turned out to be one of my sister's friends, whom she attends gymnastics with. Now, that's all fine and dandy. However, my reaction to the whole situation was less than favorable. It wasn't anything terrible, I just didn't know how to respond to it all. Part of me was happy to know that they considered someone out there a good match for me. However, the rest of myself was a little hesitant. It was something about having my family attempting to choose a date for me that sparked my somewhat negative reaction.

The real question I have been asking myself is... why? What about this whole situation made me go into "ignore everything being said" mode like I did? Like I said, it just seemed more than a little awkward to have my family members trying to set me up with someone. But why is that so bad?

I think the main part of it has to do with pride. I suppose the fact that my family needs to set me up in the first place kinda gave my pride a bit of a hit. And the fact that, if it did actually work out, I would never be able to live it down. Or would I? Anyways, I feel even more ashamed for letting my pride get in the way of a possible mold-breaker for me. But is it a bad thing to have a little pride? All I know is... if this does actually go through (I'm still not sure if I am going to try and stop it) my pride will have to take a hit in order for any breakthroughs to be made.

And I can't forget prejudices. Perhaps I've always told myself that anything having to do with relationships was my own burden to bear. That I wouldn't let anyone else create something for me. But then, I also always figured that there would be more people out there willing to look deeper. Since I was wrong on that second one, perhaps I ought to work on eliminating such prejudices? Or maybe that particular one has something to do with my simple goal to find someone to love on my own. I really don't know whether to say this is a prejudice I should keep, or work on getting rid of.

And so, I continue to debate what I should do about this whole situation. For now, I think I'm gonna sit back and just let things unfold. Though, I have no clue what my reaction will be if my mother and sister actually manage to set me up on a date with this girl.

As I always say... The heart is too great to be understood by anyone. Especially me.

Everything Falling Apart

I will admit... my last rant was a bit... excessive. However, I stand by the point I made. Unfortunately, I haven't been discouraged from doing exactly what I mentioned. In fact, I have been even MORE encouraged to give up. It seems that everywhere I turn, there is more evidence to support what I have recently come to accept as a possible truth: All Girls Are The Same. Once again, I know I'm going to take a lot of heat for that, but maybe if I elaborate a bit more...

Ok, as I have mentioned before, I have two friends who I have been helping through some hard times. Both have some of the same things in common. They are both girls, and both had been in a relationship with a bad guy. I had attempted to help them through the tough times, and had even given many suggestions to them as to how to find a good relationship. Doesn't seem so bad right? Well, both have come to the exact same point.

They both attempted to date another guy first. However, neither of them followed any of my advice, and ended up going after these guys based on looks and initial personality. This extreme shallowness, though I never mentioned it to either of them, only brought my own hopes for ever finding a relationship down a notch. Needless to say, neither of these relationships worked out for very long.

What really kills me on the inside is what happened next. Both of them turned back to their exes. Now, both of these guys were complete and total jerks. Plain and simple. Why these girls would even consider doing this is beyond me. But it kills me nonetheless.

Obviously, the question lingering inside the minds of everyone reading this is the same: Why do you care?
Well, I'm glad you asked. I care because this demonstrates and proves my point. Sure it is only two girls. But I was correct about the self-destructive cycle that these girls seem to enter into.

Now, the real question for me still remains: WHEN ARE THESE GIRLS GOING TO WAKE UP!?

Sure, I might be overreacting, but seriously... Can you really call any of this love at all? This isn't love. This is just the illusion of love. To me, for love to be true, it must be given back as well. In neither of these situations is the love going both ways. Jerks are generally incapable of returning, or even deserving the love they are given. And all of this occurs while guys with good hearts sit, wait, and wonder when the world is finally going to wake up.

If all of this is true, maybe I was correct. Maybe it is time to give up. Either way, I know I have to keep fighting the urge to do so, yet it gets harder all the time.